Sticks and Stones May Break Your Bones and Words Can ALWAYS Hurt You

This process has been a long one so we are very happy to be home and together as 9.    We are eager to grow together and spend a summer of bonding.  We know things aren't going to be easy and we know WE are going to make numerous mistakes through this transition.

However, we'd like to help our friends and family not make some common mistakes right off the bat with Miss H.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, be mindful of the things you ask and say to H.
Do not ask her about her past.
Don't ask her, "Do you like it here?"
or
"Are you happy to be here?"

I know I've shared this quote before, but it's so true and is worth repeating year after year!

Adoption loss is the only trauma in the world where the victims are expected by the whole of society to be grateful. 

For those of you with children who will be around our family a lot, PLEASE explain adoption to them.

For the sake of H's heart and her comfort, welcome her with open arms and by all means visit with her...just be mindful and thoughtful of HER needs, not YOUR curiosity.

(It's always nice to be mindful of the things you ask/say to adoptive parents as well, but her needs and feelings are the utmost importance!)

Prayers for a Sister

To many of you, this news will come as a great surprise...

Before the news, let's rewind a bit.

Early fall 2015, Bobby and I started mildly discussing another adoption.  MILDY.

A situation arose that kept us up late one October night.  We honestly didn't know what to think because we really hoped to adopt from Ethiopia again, and these girls were from Philippines.  [Can we say no simply because of where they are from?]  We decided to move forward, knowing there were a gazillion things that had to fall in place for it to happen.

At this point, our children didn't know about these girls or of us considering another adoption...

THE NEXT DAY we were driving in the car and asked the kids to each answer, "If you had one wish, what would it be?"  Ayla responded, "Well, that's easy.  I had to do this in class today and wrote I wish for another sister."  The next two children responded with, "Me too, we need more girls in our family."

Bobby almost wrecked the car, turned to me, and lipped, "YOU SAID SOMETHING."  But I hadn't.

To make a complicating story short, we'll just say that possibility didn't work out and we decided to put adoption aside for a bit.

Well, that idea didn't leave Ayla, and I believe from that day 15 months ago, she has prayed every day for another sister.

Winter rolled around and we became more serious about pursing something.  Again, our hearts were interested in Ethiopia as we felt it would be beneficial for Addy to have a sister that resembled her and we love Ethiopia.  BUT, things in Ethiopia weren't stable with adoptions and we realized that wasn't a path we wanted to start.

We considered domestic adoption, but were told it would be highly unlikely of a birth mother to choose our large family.  So, we decided to pursue adoption through foster care.  We got almost all our paperwork together within a week, got doctor's appointments for all 8 of us, and were ready to sign a $3,000 check.

It was a busy week for us and every night we spoke about sending in the payment, but never got around to it....

AND THEN...

One evening that week I was opening a packet in the mail and saw a beautiful face with dark brown eyes staring at me. I proceeded to read her short profile and in that moment something in me fluttered and told me, "She's the one."

I impatiently waited for Bobby to come home, then eagerly waited for him to open the mail. I sat and watched him open every envelope and flip through every paper until I saw him reading what I had read. He turned to me and said something like, "What on earth. Did you see this?!?!?!  I think you have a phone call to make first thing tomorrow."

And so that check was never written and I did make that phone call. 

Since February her photo has been on our fridge and our family has prayed diligently for her.  It became such an obsession to Ayla that we had to explain to her over and over again that there were many things that had to fall into place and it wouldn't be quick or easy.  Because it's been a long time praying for a specific child, we got attached to the idea, but remained nervous at the attachment we were all forming.

For the last three months a resounding prayer has been, "Lord, our family desires to be ____'s family, but we really pray that you place her in the home that is right for her.  We pray she gets a family soon. Amen."

Today, with my hands shaking, I walked out of my classroom (right in the middle of class--thanks S for coming to their watch!!!) and answered the call telling me our family had been chosen as her family.

We can't share any information at this time and as our children have grown older, we've found the need to keep our family's story more and more quiet.  It's hard not to shout all the specifics from the rooftop as the way the story unfolded and the connections and answers to specific prayers are numerous.

To you, people who have shared our joy and sorrows through this journey these past five years, we wanted to let you in on this adoption news.   However, this will likely be the first and final post regarding this step in growing our family.

I'll continue to post things that aren't private and will continue to be a voice for foster care and adoption. In fact, there will be a post about foster care in the near future. Our lives are forever changed by each and every child that has walked in our doors and we hope to encourage others to be changed by fostering as well.

Cheers to a New Year.  A new daughter.  A new beginning....