From Anguish to JOY!!!

I've got to admit, I've had a pretty easy life.  I haven't been through much loss, I had parents that loved me and cared for my every need, I have a dedicated loving husband, and I've been blessed with FOUR beautiful children.

But, we all go through trials and temptations.  We all suffer.  We all deal with anger.  We all sin.

Through this adoption journey we've had numerous people compare adoption to pregnancy.  The thing is, to some who haven't been through adoption, I could see how the two compare.  They are both journies that of our Father bringing a child into our homes. 

BUT, I can tell you that I've been through 3 pregnancies (plus a miscarriage) and this is NOT even close to the same thing! 

Adoption is hands down the hardest thing I've gone through in my life.  To explain adoption to someone that hasn't experienced it is very hard.  If you have children, you know that you'd do ANYTHING for them. 

Now imagine having your child 8,000+ miles away, being cared for by people other than their mommy and daddy.  Imagine not knowing many details about your child and only receiving 10 pictures from their first 9 months of life. 

So, if I seem like I've been on a rollercoaster lately...I have been! 

At Addy's embassy appointment we were told her visa SHOULD BE issued in 2-3 weeks.  Of course we got super excited and prepared to travel.  We prayed it would fall within the 2-3 weeks and thought that worst case, it would be 4 weeks.

Then we found out we needed a BPI.

They tried by skype.

Then we found out skype didn't work.

They scheduled an appointment for the birth father.

Then we found out he didn't get on the plane (he wasn't able to be contacted to inform him of the interview.

They hired a PI to try to find the birth father.

Then we waited for the investigation to be done.

They got all the paperwork together showing they tried.

And we waited for the visa to be issued.

Our 2-3 week estimate turned into EIGHT WEEKS.

You see, after we first saw Addy's face we estimated we'd have her home in September.  Overall, a month later is not bad timing.  The wait inbetween has been hard, but doable.  BUT, these last 8 weeks have been another story!  Being told we'd more than likely travel and then have that swept away was sooooooooo incredibly hard.

Each week ticked away.  Each day she grew....physically and in our hearts.

My last post was all about endurance. You know, counting our trials as joys  and the testing of our faith to produce endurance (James 1:2-4).....

And oh how I felt that.  God kept telling me over and over again that this wait was a test of my faith.  A test of my trust that He had this.  A test that I've never experienced so directly before.

And then the last 24 hours happened.

For the past week we have truly believed this was going to be "THE WEEK."

Again in my Bible study (James: Mercy Triumphs by Beth Moore) I felt God talking directly to my through His word.

This week's study was on anguish turning into joy.  Oh how I felt and believed this week was God's way of proving to me (like He needs to do that!) that this trial and wait has been a test of our faith and all the anguish will soon be joy. 

I felt it...and felt it...and felt it!

Then the week started to slip away....the clock struck 10am this morning (5pm DRC time) and I wanted to scream.  I truly was at a state of complete frustration.  I broke down in tears, so full of emotions.  I stayed up late last night PLEADING for God to turn our anguish into joy.  I woke up this morning feeling defeated and felt like I needed to continue to talk to the Lord and tell him how much I trust in Him and how much I love Him. 

After the clock turned 10, I decided to jump into the shower and relax a bit.  To get away from the kids crying and fighting and spend 10 minutes pleading to God to please bring Addy's visa yet this week.

And then.....

I jumped out of the shower to my ipad blinking a new email. 

An email from our caseworker....

An email stating Addy's visa will be picked up tomorrow....

An email stating we can GO GET OUR BABY GIRL.

I did not doubt our anguish would turn into joy....but I did not see God's perfect timing hitting home so clearly.  God needed me to hit "rock bottom" and to call out to Him evening, and morning, and noon. 

Psalm 55:17-18

Evening and morning and at noon
I utter my complaint and moan,
and he hears my voice.
He redeems my soul in safety
from the battle that I wage

Just like a mother no longer remembers her anguish after childbirth, we no longer feel our anguish.....our anguish has turned into dancing.  Into pure joy that our daughter will soon be in OUR ARMS! 

John 16: 20-21
Truly, truly I say to you, you will weep and lament, but the world will rejoice.  You will be sorrowful, but your sorrow will turn into joy.  When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that that a human being has been born into the world.
 

Another way adoption IS like childbirth;)




(I will not be posting on my blog until we are home safely with Addy...)
 

18 Days Until Orphan Sunday (25 for our church)...

On November 4th, as well as the surrounding Sundays, thousands of events will echo across America and around the globe, all sharing a single goal: that God's steadfast love for the orphan will also stir in our hearts.  From many sources, one voice. Orphan Sunday is an opportunity to excite family, community, church and friends to God's call to care for the orphan. As Orphan Sunday approaches, we pray you will dedicate time on one Sunday in honor of the fatherless. Here are a few helpful and practical recourses for how to spend an Orphan Sunday from Christian Alliance for Orphans' Orphan Sunday.org website: Partnership Packages - Ideas and action points from over 20 different orphan, adoption & foster care organizations so you can find an activity that fits your church. (Be sure to check out Lifesong's Partnership Packages as well!) The Orphan's Table - Experiences impact us more deeply than words. On Orphan Sunday, share a meal eaten by orphans around the world.  Gather with family, small group or church for the meal, discussion and prayer. More Resources - Check out OrphanSunday.org for other church resources such as sermon starters, worship songs, bible studies, bulletin inserts, prayer guides, and much more! We are hopeful you and your church family will honor orphans by participating in Orphan Sunday.

------------------------------------------------------- We are excited to be celebrating the 2nd Annual Orphan Sunday at our local church (Evangelical Bible Church) on Sunday, November 11th. If you would like information on what our church is doing, or how you can get your church involved, please contact me!

Producing Endurance

"Consider it a great joy, my brothers, whenever you experience various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance."

James 1: 2-3

 

En-dur-ance n.: the ability or stength to continue or last especially during pain and hardships 

I recently started a new Bible study, James: Mercy Triumphs, by Beth Moore.  I know it's one of those incredibly awesome powers of God and His word, but I am still amazed how clearly I relate to every study I do.  It's like the study was written for me, in that very moment of life.  But with this study, I R.E.A.L.L.Y feel it;) 

A couple days ago I was doing a lesson on the two verses listed above (James 1:2-3).  I've known these verses and had them memorized before the study started, afterall the book of James is probably the book I've read the most and the book in which I've memorized the most verses....but these two verses bring on a whole new meaning right now, as I'm facing trials.

"Consider it a great joy..."
The word 'consider' implies we shoud think or reflect on our trials and consider them a joy.  I agree with Beth that, "I can't think of anything harder than counting hardships a joy." 

"... the testing of your faith produces endurance."
The testing of our faith gives us endurance. Trials aren't meant to take away from us, but to give us endurance. What we see as painful and hard is not always what is bad or turns out to be bad.

You see, I can tell you this waiting game is H.A.R.D.  It is not easy to keep patient and feel joyful about our situation.  BUT, what we have learned and gained through this process is a faith and trust in God that we've never had to experience before.  We have grown to be more reliant on Him and less of ourselves, our timelines, and our expectations.  We have found that waiting strengthens our faith, and the stronger our faith is, the more obediently we can live our lives.

By learning to wait, we've learned to trust.

So... yes, we do consider this waiting a joy--even though we don't always feel it! 

Is it easy?  No.  But, we are placing our trust in Him, knowing His plan is greater than any plan we could ever dream up....(plus, we do know that holding Addy is in our arms will definitely make this wait worthwhile)!

While we keep waiting, we will continue to produce endurance...through the strength and hope found in Him.

"Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."
1 Cor: 13-7
 

His steadfast love endures forever! 

7 Turned into 8 (months, not family members!)

Our baby girl is now 8 months old.  8 months.

I remember being very overwhelmed as a  first-time mom at different stages.  Me, the mom that has always wanted numerous kiddos, often found myself questioning how I could ever have more.  The endless breastfeeding, the sleep schedule (or lack of) and the change to sitting at home and conversing in "baby talk" all day was enough to make this "made to be a mom" crazy at times!

BUT, I vividly remember that once Eli was 6 months, life seemed to get easier.  Being a mom was wonderful and I even started to have BABY FEVER! 

Then 6 months turned into 7 and 7 into 8. 

With all three--Eli, Ayla, and Owen--I remember feeling like 8 months was the BEST age.  I remember thinking there was no way it could get any better (and then every month after I would think the same thing).

So now I'm reminiscing about their babyhood and wondering what was it at 8 months that made me think it was the best???  I'm assuming it had a lot to do with their new adventures of roaming from place to place.  Or the silly and cute faces they were making.  Maybe it was the personality that was starting to shine.  I'm guessing it definitely had to do with the fact that around 8 months they wanted their mommy---yes, even though stranger anxiety can be a nuisance, you can't say it doesn't warm a mother's heart to know she is the center of her child's life.

6 months turned into 7 and 7 into 8.

Now, I'm feeling the same twist of time, yet a whole different taste.

When Miss Addy was 5 months old I prayed we'd have her home by 6 months (but thought FOR SURE we'd have her home by 7).  Then she turned 6 months and I was praying we'd have her maybe not home, but in our arms by the time she turned 7 months. 

And then, 6 months turned into 7 and now 7 turned into 8.

It tears me apart to remember how much I adored this age with E, A, O...and how I'm missing it with Addy. 

Is she crawling?  Is she starting to show her own unique personality?  Is she attached to someone, and maybe starting to think they are her mom/dad?  Does she have teeth?  Does she eat solid foods?  What is her sleep pattern like?  Does she like to be cuddled?  Does she play with any toys?  Have any favorite friends?  Giggle?  Babble?  Cry a lot? 

I feel like I'm constantly trying to see her in my head, yet I can't fully visualize her--because she's my daughter and I don't even fully know her.

To believe you will be leaving any day to get your child and then to have that all slip away is a very emotional, hard situation.  We are so thankful to have an agency that is working their tails off on our behalf.  We are thankful for our friends and family who are praying for us and keep encouraging us through scripture and support.  And we are extremely thankful for our God who will not forsake us...Who loves us, and loves sweet Addy.

We are still unclear as to what our timeline may be--because no one really knows.  We could be on a plane in a week, it could be 2, or 8 months could turn into 9. 

Addy--8 months