From Anguish to JOY!!!

I've got to admit, I've had a pretty easy life.  I haven't been through much loss, I had parents that loved me and cared for my every need, I have a dedicated loving husband, and I've been blessed with FOUR beautiful children.

But, we all go through trials and temptations.  We all suffer.  We all deal with anger.  We all sin.

Through this adoption journey we've had numerous people compare adoption to pregnancy.  The thing is, to some who haven't been through adoption, I could see how the two compare.  They are both journies that of our Father bringing a child into our homes. 

BUT, I can tell you that I've been through 3 pregnancies (plus a miscarriage) and this is NOT even close to the same thing! 

Adoption is hands down the hardest thing I've gone through in my life.  To explain adoption to someone that hasn't experienced it is very hard.  If you have children, you know that you'd do ANYTHING for them. 

Now imagine having your child 8,000+ miles away, being cared for by people other than their mommy and daddy.  Imagine not knowing many details about your child and only receiving 10 pictures from their first 9 months of life. 

So, if I seem like I've been on a rollercoaster lately...I have been! 

At Addy's embassy appointment we were told her visa SHOULD BE issued in 2-3 weeks.  Of course we got super excited and prepared to travel.  We prayed it would fall within the 2-3 weeks and thought that worst case, it would be 4 weeks.

Then we found out we needed a BPI.

They tried by skype.

Then we found out skype didn't work.

They scheduled an appointment for the birth father.

Then we found out he didn't get on the plane (he wasn't able to be contacted to inform him of the interview.

They hired a PI to try to find the birth father.

Then we waited for the investigation to be done.

They got all the paperwork together showing they tried.

And we waited for the visa to be issued.

Our 2-3 week estimate turned into EIGHT WEEKS.

You see, after we first saw Addy's face we estimated we'd have her home in September.  Overall, a month later is not bad timing.  The wait inbetween has been hard, but doable.  BUT, these last 8 weeks have been another story!  Being told we'd more than likely travel and then have that swept away was sooooooooo incredibly hard.

Each week ticked away.  Each day she grew....physically and in our hearts.

My last post was all about endurance. You know, counting our trials as joys  and the testing of our faith to produce endurance (James 1:2-4).....

And oh how I felt that.  God kept telling me over and over again that this wait was a test of my faith.  A test of my trust that He had this.  A test that I've never experienced so directly before.

And then the last 24 hours happened.

For the past week we have truly believed this was going to be "THE WEEK."

Again in my Bible study (James: Mercy Triumphs by Beth Moore) I felt God talking directly to my through His word.

This week's study was on anguish turning into joy.  Oh how I felt and believed this week was God's way of proving to me (like He needs to do that!) that this trial and wait has been a test of our faith and all the anguish will soon be joy. 

I felt it...and felt it...and felt it!

Then the week started to slip away....the clock struck 10am this morning (5pm DRC time) and I wanted to scream.  I truly was at a state of complete frustration.  I broke down in tears, so full of emotions.  I stayed up late last night PLEADING for God to turn our anguish into joy.  I woke up this morning feeling defeated and felt like I needed to continue to talk to the Lord and tell him how much I trust in Him and how much I love Him. 

After the clock turned 10, I decided to jump into the shower and relax a bit.  To get away from the kids crying and fighting and spend 10 minutes pleading to God to please bring Addy's visa yet this week.

And then.....

I jumped out of the shower to my ipad blinking a new email. 

An email from our caseworker....

An email stating Addy's visa will be picked up tomorrow....

An email stating we can GO GET OUR BABY GIRL.

I did not doubt our anguish would turn into joy....but I did not see God's perfect timing hitting home so clearly.  God needed me to hit "rock bottom" and to call out to Him evening, and morning, and noon. 

Psalm 55:17-18

Evening and morning and at noon
I utter my complaint and moan,
and he hears my voice.
He redeems my soul in safety
from the battle that I wage

Just like a mother no longer remembers her anguish after childbirth, we no longer feel our anguish.....our anguish has turned into dancing.  Into pure joy that our daughter will soon be in OUR ARMS! 

John 16: 20-21
Truly, truly I say to you, you will weep and lament, but the world will rejoice.  You will be sorrowful, but your sorrow will turn into joy.  When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that that a human being has been born into the world.
 

Another way adoption IS like childbirth;)




(I will not be posting on my blog until we are home safely with Addy...)