Horse and Buggy to Suburanized

A couple months ago I got an "award" to write a blog post about me....I quickly read the "referral" from a fun-loving blogger/AP (adoptive parent) friend and also quickly forgot about it (a common occurrence lately). 

Well, today I got "hit" by another blogging friend to write "5 Things You Don't Know About Me."  [Darnit anyhow....]

So here goes a few things about me...all related to the purpose behind this blog (to journal about growing our family through adoption and how God is changing us through the journey):

1. I'm stuck somewhere between the "olden days" and today...

When I was little, I had a reoccurring dream set over a hundred years ago.  I was a hardworking mom/wife with a large garden, long flowing dresses, and a duck that followed me around our large "homestead." 

Oftentimes, I miss those days (well, miss living them in my dreams, that is!) and wish society would go back to many of the "olden day" lifestyles...
I wish it was the norm for mothers to be mothers and only mothers/housewives.  I wish technology and the Internet didn't exist and we still traveled by horse and buggy.  I'd love life at a slower pace, communities holding big festivals/gatherings, children learning to work alongside their dads/moms, no such thing as GMOs, etc, etc.Some days, I pretend I'm a mom in the "olden days"...but then I wake up to reality!

2. I utterly despise writing...

Three years ago when I started my current job as a Literacy Coach, I was INTIMIDATED.  I was never really taught how to write, didn't like to write...and now I was going to be coaching teachers on how to teach their students to write?!?!??!  As I found out, teaching students to write is FUN...but I still don't like it myself. 

So readers please ignore my bad writing style and misuse of grammar/punctuation.  Read my blog as if you'd be reading a 1st-3rd graders work, and you might even be impressed at times:)

3. I GET TO RETURN TO THE CLASSROOM...

Even though I was intimated at the writing aspect of my job...I LOVE LOVE LOVE my current job as an instructional literacy coach.  I love the leadership that it entails.  I love studying best practices for teaching reading/writing.  I love the people I get to work with every day.  This job also fits alongside my dream (opposite of the above mentioned dream!) of becoming a principal.  However, sometime in the past few years I've changed quite a bit. Through my changes I've realized how important my faith and family are. 

Next year I'll be teaching 1st grade (including my own Eli) at Hope Christian Academy.
This means I'll be in a job that I love for what I'm doing every single day....not for what it could mean for my future.  I'll be able to talk faith with my students and will hopefully be able to encourage them through their daily walk.  I'll also be able to see my 1st graders learn to read and will be able to share my love of reading alongside them. 

4. Growing up I said I wanted 27 children...

Yes, you read that correctly.  I don't think I ever REALLY thought I'd have 27 children, but I always wanted a large family.  Even though we're most definitely not going to have 27 of our own children, I've realized that I'll probably be a "mother" to more than 27 children in my lifetime.  In addition to the children I've had/will have in my classroom, we continue to serve as foster parents and we're still not certain where God will draw the line for our own family growing through adoption.

[We ARE done for awhile after #7/8 come home....but that doesn't necessarily mean done FOREVER] 

5. I LOVE mini-vans...

Three years ago we walked into a dealership looking for a family vehicle.  My only stipulations: it wasn't a mini-van, and it wasn't white.
I can't believe it, but I don't have a single picture of our LAST vehicle...
A white mini-van.

We left the dealership that day with exactly what I DIDN'T want....and I'll now go to my grave as the best spokesperson alive for mini-vans--hands down, the best family vehicle there is...I dare you to try fighting me on that one:) 

BUT....as we're preparing for our own brood (of not quite 27), the 7 person mini-van became too small.  Ever since we decided to bring home 1 or 2 older children from Ethiopia, we've been on a hunt for a vehicle that seats at least 9.  On Monday we FINALLY found a 9 passenger suburban that fit our budget and will fit our growing family.   

Once again...my only stipulation was that it wasn't white... and yes, it's white.  But in this life of trying to look perfect for everyone else, I already love my white suburban. 

I also love that God has called us to grow our family through adoption and that He helped us cross our first "to do" off the list---WE'RE READY FOR #7(AND POSSIBLY 8). 

So there you have it.  My list of 5.  I realize it was rather a boring list....but it's what came to me first and what hit "close to home" for my current day to day life :)

to...

 

Two MUST READS on Orphan Care

I've been doing a lot reading lately on the ethics in adoption and orphan care.  This is not a light topic and is one that leaves my heart burdened for so many: orphans, birth parents, pregnant teenagers/young women, etc. 

When we started the adoption process we knew NOTHING about adoption.  The only thing we knew was God was calling us down this path.  We also had no friends who had walked this road and therefore didn't have anyone to talk to face to face about the realities and complex issues behind adoption.

Here we are, 2 years later with Addy in our home and waiting on our next 1 or 2 children.  I've lost countless nights of sleep reading books, blog, and articles about adoption, corruption, ethics, orphan care, etc etc.

Now I feel "stuck" in this global crisis that is too much to fathom.  This crisis has become a huge part of our lives and something we are committed to spreading the word about and committed to doing as much as we can for the fatherless children around the globe.

This crisis is MUCH more than just adopting the worlds orphans.  After all, even if we adopted every single orphaned child, there would be just as many back on the streets and in orphanages the next day. 

Two of the best things I've read recently on this topic are listed below.  I STRONGLY suggest anyone involved in adoption/orphan care reads both of these.  I also STRONGLY suggest any couple that is considering adoption to seek out others who have walked that road.  Ask the hard questions, keep ethics at the top of your plan ALWAYS, and reach out via facebook/blogs when you need more support or answers.   (I can tell you my social network friends have been the best source of information/support!)

Get reading....

1. Orphan Justice by Johnny Carr

Christians are clearly called to care for orphans, a group so close to the heart of Jesus. In reality, most of the 153 million orphaned and vulnerable children in the world do not need to be adopted, and not everyone needs to become an adoptive parent. However, there are other very important ways to help beyond adoption.

Indeed, caring for orphaned and vulnerable children requires us to care about related issues from child trafficking and HIV/AIDS to racism and poverty. Too often, we only discuss or theologize the issues, relegating the responsibility to governments.
No one can do everything, but everyone can do something. Based on his own personal journey toward pure religion, Johnny Carr moves readers from talking about global orphan care to actually doing something about it in Orphan Justice

.
I've read over 20 books on orphan care/adoption and I'd have to admit I think this one is the best yet.  I'm not going to even try writing a book review on this one...you'll get tons of quotes in posts to come.  Just trust me and READ IT!

2. This blog post: http://livesayhaiti.blogspot.com/2013/04/primum-non-nocere-first-do-no-harm.html
I'm a part of a couple groups that are all about ethics in adoptions.  This post was shared on one of the boards and it's definitely a must read.  I feel like with a few minor changes here and there, this could have been me writing this post.  It's my thoughts, feelings and concerns almost to a "T"

I've got many raw emotions about adoption.  Many that are too hard for me to express or share at this time.  But I am willing to sit down and talk adoption with anyone that would like more information.  Just be ready for an ear full!!!

Love is Always Risky

I realized I failed to mention that D (our latest foster child) is no longer with us...
primarily because I felt like we failed.

I've been told time and time again from others that they simply could not do foster care because you eventually give them back.  As Johnny Carr put it in Orphan Justice, "Too often seflishness keeps us from taking care of these children... Sally is going to be in the foster system whether she is in your home or not...."

We prepared ourselves for the reality that fostering children would almost always be temporary and mean we'd have to eventually say goodbye.

What we were never prepared for was when WE were the ones choosing to say goodbye.

When D entered our home, we were told there were no known behavioral issues.  Not that we wouldn't have taken if we would have known the truth to that statement...but we were not prepared for the 8 weeks that was coming.  When we got the call we didn't even take a minute to stop and pray.  We simply said, "Yes."

1 day into his stay, we knew there was more to D's story than we were told and more to his needs than we were told. 

The first week was R.O.U.G.H.

We were angry (how could the social workers not know of these issues ahead of time?!??!). We were tired (the first few nights he didn't fall asleep until after 11 or 12 and we changed bedding at least 5 nights a week, with overnight diapers on!).  We were losing control (let's just say D has very agressive behaviors both physically and verbally). 

We've got story after story about the following weeks and the toll it put on our family.  But we continued to push through. 
Afterall, we're superhumans. 
We love kids. 
We're good parents. 
We want to help.
We can do it all....

And then we finally broke.  And it H.U.R.T.  For my husband to look at me and say, "You just can't.  We just can't. This situation is not healthy for anyone involved," was heartbreaking.  I never thought we'd bring a child into our home and then have to turn them away.

The more we prayed about it, the clearer it was that we had to let him go.....and even though I still wrestle with the feelings of...
we let him down,
we gave up,
we could have done more,
etc
I know it was right.

Turns out, after we finally admitted it was time for D to move to another house, he got moved to a theraputic home where he's getting the one-on-one care he needs.  AND he moved to another town that's close to his family which he is now able to see.

Turns out, us being able to say "we can't" was best for D. 

My heart still aches over this situation.  It probably always will. 
But, we've learned a lot, grown a lot, and are stronger because God placed D in our house for those 8 weeks.  

"Foster care is risky.  Adoption is risky.  Love itself is always risky."
Johnny Carr