Things of the world

Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever. 
1 John 2: 15-17

I have some major flesh issues God has been working out in me and it hasn’t been easy to admit or confront.  Yes, I can rattle off the scriptures I need and I know it is 100% my own personal sin. 

However, knowing is much different than applying….

I was ATTACHED (firmly) to our beautiful house and yard. The family house.  The great entertaining house.  The yard with activities 365 days a year.  The gardens.  The patio.  The horse pasture. The tree house.  The land. 

And not only physical, visible aspects of the home, but the emotional side as well.  When most people say they “built” their house, they mean they hired someone (like my talented husband) to build it.  When we say we “built” our house, we mean it literally. 

•  I remember the day Bobby and I went out to stake the house and determine the exact angle we wanted it. 
• I remember back filling the garage and having the kids help compact the dirt. 
• I remember the argument over the location of the fireplace.
• I remember the friends that came over and helped us wire.
• I remember the LATE nights working hard for the final finishes and painting the entire house. 
• I remember every step of building (all the while, our kids were by our side helping, playing, and getting dirty).
• I remember moving in the week of Addy’s birthday, insisting we had her first birthday in our new home (even without counter tops or sinks). 
• I remember welcoming a foster child into the home the week we moved in and the sorrow we felt when his needs became too great and we had to move him to another home. 
• I remember the 14 other foster children that slept in those rooms.  And the 3 more children that came home to that house.
• I remember the Christmas parties, 4^th of July barbecues, birthday parties, and holidays (and of course the small mantle that became our favorite photo taking spot—besides the great family photos taken in the yard).
• I remember some HARD trials we went through with our adopted children and the people that came into the doors to minister to us and help us through days when we were so broken.

You see, in moving to Colorado I DID NOT want to give up the place we built to be our “forever” home.  I shed many tears and wasn’t even emotionally able to take a last family photo there. 

As our move became closer, many of you asked about our housing situation and my response was, “We’re renting for now, but we’re buying some land to build our next home.”  For the first couple months after we decided to move, I was not 100% certain.  However, after making a couple trips down and deciding on this particular land, I got more excited.  I took two weeks sketching, erasing, and drawing new house plans.  And what got me through many of the goodbyes and the heartache I was feeling, were the plans and dreams of this next house….

But…

The day before we left for CO we found out we were not going to be able to close on the land.  I was devastated and the day we arrived in Colorado, I was angry. 

But then….

We had HLF meetings and activities our first four days here and I was quickly reminded of the real reason we moved down here.  We didn’t move down here for the new land and house I had planned.  We moved here to serve a ministry we love. 

These last 10 or so days God has completely opened my eyes to the flesh issues I’ve been harboring.  He has brought me back to a deeper understanding of serving with arms wide open.  And, He has helped me to overcome the lack of joy I was feeling.

Am I still grieving my past temporal home?  Yes. 

But here I am.  Trying diligently to not be anxious about where we will live, and in the meantime staying busy making this rental feel like a home for our family. 

Here I am Lord.
Ready to love.
Ready to serve.
Willing to be sanctified.