Transformation

Our adoption story starts the year we were married...and through these past 7 years, we have been completely transformed. 

Our story isn't just a story of our DRC and Ethiopian adoptions...it's a story of God's unfailing love. 
You see, before I even knew the word adoption, God had already made a plan to adopt me into His family.  He made a promise that we would not be left as orphans.

John 14:18
I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you.

Here is our story of transformation...

Some of you may know/remember that when Bobby and I were first married, we were DEFINITELY not living for the Lord.  Our marriage was UGLY!  Our first year of marriage was TOUGH.  We were dealing with so many ugly situations, and we didn't go to God for His support.  On top of the marital spats (which were more than spats) and the drinking issues (giving up "college" life for "serious marriage" life) we were also dealing with infertility issues. 

After about 6 months of doctor appointment after doctor appointment, we moved to CO to start fresh.  It was a wonderful move for the two of us....a fresh start and time to grow as a couple.  We continued to see a fertility specialist (after being told right before we moved that it looked like we were not going to be able to have kiddos).  Our new doctor was hopeful, and said to give it a few months of "his" method before we look into other options.  Four months later we had really given up hope as my eggs were showing absolutely no signs of maturing into anything that could become a child!

At about this time Bobby and I started to consider adoption, as I'd always had adoption on my heart.  We started researching agencies and talking about what it could mean for us (after all, adoption could take years and we didn't want to wait a long time to welcome children into our home).

THEN, right after our 1 year anniversary, we found out we were EXPECTING!  We quickly decided it was time to move back to MT to be closer to family.

 

Fast forward a few years....and there we were living in MT with not only our first born, Eli, but our second child, Ayla.  We were happy, content, and doing great.  During this time we found a church home, but it was only a home to us on Sundays.  I'll never forget the night our pastor came over for some discussion with us to join the church.  We started getting into a conversation in which we needed a Bible....and Bobby and I had NO CLUE where our Bible was! 

Both of us group up in Christian homes and had even began going to church regularly since Eli was born. BUT, we still were not living as Christ followers and neither of us could really explain our faith to anyone and I will be daring to say neither of us really knew Jesus.  Neither of us had ever made the PERSONAL commitment to truly follow Jesus.

Then, another unexpected turn of events.

In September of 2008 we decided to move back to ND...it was so crazy how we truly felt God (which we didn't fully understand was God at the time) telling us to "go"!  We both had been having dreams and constant thoughts about "going".  We just didn't know what all these thoughts and dreams meant!  It took us some time to realize a move to ND was in store for us (because after all, we were content and happy in MT).   And through this move, we were completely transformed.

 

You see, I've always been a pleaser.  Growing up I often put on a good front, acting however I thought the person in front of me wanted me to act.  Whether it was my parents, my pastor, my teachers, my friends.  I've always wanted to do right....but I often fell short of doing right and then tried putting on a front.

It was no different in our marriage.  I would go to bed at night and "secretly" pray....because heaven forbid I actually let my HUSBAND (you know, the person that should know me best) know I prayed to the God I believed was somewhere out there.  I "secretly" wished we would be more involved in a church and even felt like God was telling me there was more to my "religion."  But of course I dare not share those crazy feelings with my hubby.

When we moved back to ND (our third state and sixth house in six years) we had no clue GOD was going to transform our lives and give us a fresh start.  It was no magical happening or a perfect church or pastor or friends...it was all God pushing us to become closer to Him and encouraging us to find a relationship with Christ.  It was the two of us learning how to have a relationship with Him through reading His word (which meant not only owning a Bible, but READING it) and conversation with Him through prayer.  It was a transformation of realizing that we had to put off our "old selves" and be renewed.

Ephesians 4: 21-24
You have heard about him and were taught in him, as the truth is in Jesus, to put off your old self, which belongs to your former manner of life and is corrupt through deceitful desires, and to be renewed in the spirit of your minds, and to put on the new self, created after the likeness of God in true righteousness and holiness.

Fast forward a few more years and here we are today....with three beautiful biological children (plus a miscarriage), one beautifully adopted child from the Congo (who is ALMOST home), and one more child from Ethiopia on their way (through adoption).  We continue to grow every single day and learn more and more about the people God wants us to be!

Ephesians 2: 8-10
For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, and not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

A year and a half ago we felt God telling us His plan was for us to add to our family through adoption.  It's an absolutely beautiful journey that God brought us on....one of finding Him as our Father....one learning about our Savior, Jesus....and one learning that we were adopted as sons as daughters through Him into a heavenly kingdom. 

Ephesians 1:5
In love he predestined us for adoption as sons through Jesus Christ, according to his purpose and will.

As hard as the first couple years of our marriage were, I can look back now and see God's handiwork at play the entire time!  God has used so many people to reach out to Bobby and I...so many people who probably don't have a clue how much they have affected us--starting with our parents and the early foundations they set in our homes that we locked away until we were ready to accept them!  

I cannot imagine what it would have been like to have adopted a child without it being a calling from God. I cannot imagine what it would have been like to go through this roller coaster without Him by our sides (like 6 years ago when we were first considering adoption). 

A week ago we thought we'd be on a plane traveling to get Addy....but God had other plans.  Even though we don't fully understand right now why our case is going through all these trials, we know God has a purpose and we are certain on of the reasons is to grow our trust in Him. Through this transformation and adoption, I've been trying really hard to be obedient to what God is calling me to do. 

This weekend I chose to get baptized as a believer.  I was baptized as an infant....and I am very thankful for that.  I am thankful for my parents who held me as a tiny child and promised to raise me in a Christian home.  But this weekend I had the opportunity to give a public testimony to the work God has done in me.  A testimony of the transformation He has made in me....and a testimony that I am choosing to follow His ways.  Yes, there will be sin and trials, and temptations along the way.....but oh how great it is to know my personal Savior and to be able to share my story with others!

Ephesians 5:8b-9a
Walk as children of light and try to discern what is pleasing to the Lord. 

I pray that God will use Bobby and I to encourage and love others along the way....

We love because He first loved us! 

Stuck in the Process....

I thought I'd share with everyone what's happening with our case.

Early last week we found out that the consular was requiring a birth parent interview for our case, and that the interview was to take place last Friday.

Well, to make a long story short, the birth father did not get on the plane that was supposed to take him to Kinshasa for the interview. 

Just so you understand this a little more:
Just last month(ish) a new consular to the US embassy in the Congo was hired. This new consular is requiring birth parent interviews for EVERY case in which a birth parent is still living (this was not a requirement just a month ago). Being Addy's birth father is still living, an interview was scheduled.  

Our agency (or possibly any agency) has never dealt with this before, so they are trying to get this resolved as soon as possible. The consular told them on Friday that they must try to track down the dad and try to reschedule.  As of now, a private investigator has been hired and is working to find the father and get this resolved. 

 

I want to be very clear and point out the fact that this DOES NOT mean her birth dad is being uncooperative or supportive.  We passed court in May and then there was a 30 day appeal time in which the family could appeal the case.  As far as the dad was concerned, this was over and done with.  When Addy was going through the whole process on the Congo side of things, this was not a requirement and so the dad was never warned or prepared for this.  Remember, this is the US embassy in the Congo that is now requesting this.  They want to be sure the dad is in favor of this adoption before they give her a visa to come home.

We have no clue at this point what this means.   Our embassy appointment date was August 24...at that date the consular told us to anticipate a visa for Addy in 2-3 weeks.  That was the "typical" case...and this is obviously not the typical case!

Believe me, we CANNOT wait until we are on a plane to pick this sweet girl up!

(photos courtesy of another adoptive mom, Sarah, who took these for us while picking up her sweet daughter last week)---yes, it is very hard to see all these families come home with their children....but we are so happy for them!

 

 

 

We are holding tight to this sweet face and dreaming of those chubby arms and legs to be in our home! (Don't you just LOVE her?!?!??!)

We're So Ready!

You may recall that the only thing we are waiting for right now is for Addy's visa to be issued.  The US embassy in Kinshasa (capital of DRC) is saying they want a birth parent interview for all cases before they will issue visas for the children to come to the US.  I know it's a confusing process, but as far as the DRC goes, she is legally our child.  BUT, we are now waiting on the US to say she can come here. 

As much as this step is a nail biter, it is a good thing.  Children all over the world (and often in the DRC) are trafficked and the US embassy is trying to do a thorough investigation to prove these children are really orphaned.

This week we were expecting our BPI to be done via skype...but with the slow Internet connections in the DRC, it did not work. 

Today we are waiting news to find out if they will waive the BPI or require the birth parent to be flown to Kinshasa for an interview. 

Sometimes through this process I feel like I need to be stronger.  The thing is, we KNOW and fully believe God has this!  He has led us down this path, has equipped us, and has a perfect plan for Addy becoming a part of our family.  BUT, as my friend Staci  reminded me, just because we are emotional DOES NOT mean we are not trusting in God or believing in His sovereignty.   We are parents who love our daughter beyond belief.  Emotional tears do not mean we are doubting God....they just mean we are emotional in the wait. 

Even though it is not yet time for OUR family to be in Africa, other families are there this week.  One of my "adoption friends" was at the transition house yesterday (from 10:30am-8:30pm).  She and her dad (who travelled with her) were able to love on the children and get to know them a bit!  Oh I wish I could share the photos of all the kiddos...they are just too sweet! 

As far as Addy, Julia shared that Addy is "soooooooo sweet and looks very very very healthy".  She also confirmed that yes, Addy does have her ears pierced---and they piercings are quite crooked;)  And of course, she shared a photo of our sweet baby girl!

I loved seeing one of her caretakers holding her!  But, for his privacy I am cropping him out of the photo!

 

Try telling me she isn't too cute for words:)

 

Oh Addy Rose....we will be with you soon.  We know your Heavenly Father has a purpose and reason for this process and a wonderful plan for YOU!  You are so wonderfully made.....and you have no clue how much you are loved!  Daddy and Mommy will be there SOON!

 

 

 

Our Attachment Plan

Family and Friends,

We are getting so close to bringing Addy home.  We have learned so much through this process and have done a lot of reading to prepare us!  One of the biggest things we have studied and researched is attachment in adoption.  The primary goal for us is to help Addy “attach” to us and learn that we are her forever family.  We want her to feel secure, safe, and above all—LOVED.

Since birth Addy has been raised in an “orphanage” setting.  For the first 6 months she was in a true orphanage where she had one primary nanny.  We were told the nanny had a hard time leaving her, and we assume Addy was attached as well.  For the past 2 months she has been in a “transition” home with other children who are close to being brought home.  At this home there are 7-9 nannies that have been working with the 20+ children living there.  Addy does not know the feeling of a “typical” family.  She is not only going to be “taken” away from all that she is learning to be accustomed to, but will be moving across the world, and into a family of people who do not look like her current caregivers!  Addy will need time to bond with us.

The term bonding in the adoption world means to fall in love with your child and for your child fall in love with you.  You all know plain as day that our entire family has had 6+ months to bond with Addy.  Even Owen knows who Addy is and loves her dearly.  BUT, to Addy, we are strangers!!!

In addition to bonding, the term attaching in adoption is more complicated and is basically establishing a trust relationship between the adoptive child and family. This process often takes much longer than the bonding process depending on several variables and life experiences of the adopted child. It is not uncommon for the attachment process to take several weeks to even years to develop.

We would like to share our attachment plan with you now, so we don’t have to answer a million questions later!  Also know that our plan is not written in stone. We will more than likely make changes as we adjust to, and follow, Addy’s cues and needs for attaching and bonding.

1.   Primary Care Givers
Let me get the hardest one out of the way first J Bobby and I are to be the ONLY caregivers for Addy. Meaning we are the only ones that will be allowed attend to her needs for the fist “while”. This will include changing, feeding, bathing, putting her to sleep, etc. Bobby and I will be the only ones to hold Addy for a while (as long as we feel she needs)--with exceptions being made for her siblings and grandparents. It is best that Addy learns quickly that Bobby and I are her parents and that no one else will take her away again.  

2.   Small World
As long as the visitors are only a few at a time, we are okay with it. We are so excited to “show Addy off.”  We just have to take it slow for her sake. We will spend as much time together alone as a family as we can, knowing that at times it will be difficult due to her siblings activities and needs. We may be calling on some of you to help get the kids to and from their activities or to come over for a play date in order to maintain some “normalcy” in their lives as well. We know that as excited as they are about Addy coming home, it is going to be a huge transition in their lives and routine as well!  

3.   Routine
Our regular routine might have to be put on hold for a while. We aren't sure what this will entail for us until we have Addy home. But it is possible that she may become over-stimulated by going out and doing things. Anything our regular routines used to consist of, may have to be given up for a little while.  We don't know how long this will take, because every child is different. Once we see Addy has established a healthy bond with us, we will start allowing others to hold her and will start venturing out into the world.

4.   Carrying
We have already mentioned that we will be the only ones to hold Addy for a little while, but in addition, you may find us using a sling, wrap or carrier. In Africa, babies are constantly carried. The mothers cook and do housework while the baby naps on their back. Being close to mommy and daddy in the carrier promotes attachment. So if you see us continually “carrying” Addy, know it's to help her to bond with us.

5.   Nursery 

We do not plan to put Addy in the nursery at Church or events for quite some time. She will remain with us because we fear a nursery setting would be too similar to her orphanage setting she has known up until now. We do not want to either scare or confuse her into thinking she is being moved again. 

6.   Airport

We will be inviting people to the airport to meet us when we come home.  BUT, we anticipate the travel process to be very overwhelming for Addy and we don’t want to add to her confusion her first night home.  Addy will remain in our arms the entire time at the airport, and we ask that EVERYONE gives Eli, Ayla, Owen, and grandparents “first dibs” on meeting her.  If you can sense she is overwhelmed or crying, please give her time to adjust and be willing to “just observe” if need be.

Many people probably think we are being “over kill” with Addy being so young.  BUT, we have done research and have found that yes, even babies are majorly affected by adoption.  Addy’s whole world is going to be turned upside down.  Even though she is so little, she will not understand what is happening.  Some of her emotions may show up now, some may take years to appear.  Whatever her needs are, we want to be able to try to meet them.  This is why we have established this plan. We love our little girl and will do everything in our power to help heal her wounded heart.

Once home, we will keep everyone in the loop on how Addy is doing. A lot of the above is worst case scenario, and we may have a totally different experience with Addy. Regardless of what is to come, with God's guidance, we can get through anything. We can’t do this alone though, we need your help. You have been so good to us throughout our entire adoption, faithful in covering us with your prayers and love. For this we will never be able to thank you enough. We need your continued support, love, encouragement, and most of all prayers even if you don’t totally agree with our plan! As we said before, this “plan” will be a work-in-progress; God knows the Real Plan J

Love and Blessings,

Bobby, Courtney, Eli, Ayla, Owen, and Addy Williams

Adding "Color" to Your Children's Books!

Some time ago I wrote this post about the realities we will face when we bring Addy home (you know, with the whole "color" issue). 

Growing up in good ol' Dickinson, ND I can remember the "black family" that lived in town.  Yes, there may have been more than one, but I didn't know or see them.  But I remember this family distinctly---because our community was primarily white people and they were "different" then the norm around us. 

I by no means had any bad or even uncomfortable feelings towards them.  It was just different.



But here's the thing....





Wait for it....






Black skin IS different than white skin. (GASP)


There IS no such thing as being "color blind."  (well, in the non literal sense anyway)!

I firmly believe that how we react and how we treat people is a true test of our character, our upbringing, and our beliefs.  It is okay to notice the differences, and it is okay to talk about those differences--in appropriate, respectful ways!

When my friend Anne (who was mentioned in the above noted post) asked for tips on how to multiculturally educate her young children, I was ecstatic that she would notice the need to do so! 

I shared with Anne that I felt children's books are a great educational tool to open up dialog and awareness on differences.  Simply reading books with other races/colors will help children feel more comfortable with the issue and may lead to great discussions.

When we started this journey, our children had very little awareness or familiarity with black people.  Eli truly thought that black people's skin eventually turns white...and when we saw a black child in the grocery store one day, Ayla asked (very loudly I may add) if the boy was an orphan--to her, all black kids were orphans. (By the way, the mom didn't think that comment was so cute).

If you're interested in adding some "color" to your children's books....these are some of my favorites!!!

These are some of my favs on multiculturalism.  I personally think these are all must have books for every home (especially He's Got the Whole World in His Hands, Whoever You Are, Shades of People, The Skin You Live In, One World One Day, and A Little Peace)

These are a few of our favorite books specifically on adoption (great learning experience for children who aren't in an adoptive family, too!)

Donald Crews, Ezra Jack Keats, and Angela Johnson are authors who have numerous books with black characters (Ezra and Angela have TONS!!!!).

And these are just some of my favorite reads (with black characters). 

 

If you're an Amazon junkie like me, once you order one book (or put it in a wish list), many other related books pop up--and you'll soon have a whole collection of books you can't wait to read to your children;) 

If you're not hooked yet, just hang with me a bit!

Happy Reading!

Birth Parent Interview

We received a message today that Addy's birth parent interview will *hopefully* happen next Tuesday or Wednesday.  The embassy in Kinshasa will be trying out a Skye interview on Monday and if it works out, they will try it again for our case on Tues/Wed. 

Please join us in praying that the Internet is working in both places at the time of Addy's BPI--and for the family on Monday! 

After the BPI, her visa will more than likely be issued within a week....and then we'll be cleared to GO BRING HER HOME!!!!

Thank you Lord!  Thank you for some sort of direction today--the direction I've been needing this week.  Even though this journey has often been tough, I have always felt His arms wrapped completely around us. 

I could write a whole blog post about my great friend, Brenda, who has helped me keep my faith in Him though this journey.  The connections the two of us share are so great--and yet we've never met in person!  I've picked up the phone to chat with her more than once through this process, and every time I get off feeling relieved.  Relieved in knowing I'm not alone in this journey.  Relieved in knowing God has had this perfect plan for us, Addy, and this journey since before we even knew the word adoption! 

By the way, Brenda's family is the family whose BPI is Monday, the day (or so before ours)...which means there is a very high chance that we'll be travel buddies.

Time is now ticking!  In just two short weeks I should either have Addy in my arms, or be travelling to get her! 

3 kids at home will become 4...

A family of 5 will officially be a family of 6... 

Our king size bed will continue to grow smaller...

(Ayla started preschool yesterday, so I must share her picture---she is quickly going to realize she is not the only princess in this house--the whole posing thing is a new thing)

 

What's Typical??

This momma needs your prayers today!

Adoption.Is.Hard.

 
Adoption.Drives.You.Crazy.

 
Adoption.Is.Often.Lonely.

 
We are down to the last stretch of our wait to bring Addy home. There are days that fly by with thought of her, but with believing  that He has it all under control.

Then, there are days like today.
 
As you may recall, we had our embassy appointment on August 24. We were told then to expect 2-3 weeks for Addy's visa to be issued and then we would be clear to travel. BUT during those (these) 2-3 weeks, the embassy requires a birth parent interview (BPI). We are assuming the BPI has not happened yet, as we have not been told otherwise....and we have no clue if it has been scheduled. The trend seems to be that visas are issued about a week after the BPI--but "typical" in the adoption world doesn't mean much!

For once in this process I just want to KNOW something, and not be guessing or unclear. That is not the fault of ANYONE--that's the journey we signed up for.  Don't get me wrong! I'm not trying to be a "Debbie Downer" or a "Negative Nancy." I'm just keeping it real!  My heart is literally ACHING and we are soooo ready to bring our daughter home.

Others keep comparing this process to pregnancy…and this part of the process like “you're about ready to give birth." (I've heard that analogy enough times through this process to bang my head over a board). I'm telling you, I've birthed 3 kiddos....this is NOT THE SAME. My baby is not curled up all cozy in MY womb! Yes, it may have somewhat of the same anticipation...but it's so incredibly different. My baby girl has been born for 7 months. She has been cared for many people (none of which have been ME). I am her mom and yet I know VERY little about her (other than she's a healthy, big baby who sweats a lot--oh, and she's irresistably adorable).  I hardly know her…and she most definitely does not know me! 

 I pray that I can hold tight to Psalm 26:1-3 and walk with integrity through this trying time.

"For I have walked in my integrity,
and I have trusted in the Lord without wavering.
Prove me, O Lord, and try me;
test my heart and my mind.
For your steadfast love is before my eyes,
and I walk in your faithfulness."

I am sooooo thankful that God is my rock! I have no clue how someone could go through this process without knowing His steadfast love. He's got this. I know He does...I just have to let my heart understand that for the next 2 weeks or so!!

 On a more positive note:

We spent Labor Day weekend doing the electrical work on our new house. It was so great to see our family come together to help us out in a way that I could never explain!

Bobby's parents got to town Saturday evening...
My dad (who is an electrician) taught my mom, Bobby, and I the ropes to wiring on Sunday and we spent all day Sunday, Monday, and today wiring...
If Brenda hadn't been here to watch the kiddos, we wouldn't have got half as much done…
If my SIL Ally hadn't made us supper (and delivered it), we would have lost more hours…

It was just wonderful to have all their help.

(Bobby's dad-who does HVAC--was busy hooking up the heating and air AND my older brother Jesse helped us on Sunday).



I wish I would have gotten off the ladder a few times to capture some of the hard work!

I still cannot believe our dream for this house is going to be a reality. We continually joke around that we have room for a dozen kids...and Bobby and I agreed that if we built the house, it would be used the care for His people. We ARE NOT planning on being the next Duggar family...but we are also not going to say "no" to the plans He may have in store for our family.







This week: last details on electrical, insulating, roofing, and fascia/soffits (MAYBE I can add BPI to that list?!?!??!).

Thanks for reading my ramblings….
I'm off to dream about this sweet face...