I realized I failed to mention that D (our latest foster child) is no longer with us...
primarily because I felt like we failed.
I've been told time and time again from others that they simply could not do foster care because you eventually give them back. As Johnny Carr put it in Orphan Justice, "Too often seflishness keeps us from taking care of these children... Sally is going to be in the foster system whether she is in your home or not...."
We prepared ourselves for the reality that fostering children would almost always be temporary and mean we'd have to eventually say goodbye.
What we were never prepared for was when WE were the ones choosing to say goodbye.
When D entered our home, we were told there were no known behavioral issues. Not that we wouldn't have taken if we would have known the truth to that statement...but we were not prepared for the 8 weeks that was coming. When we got the call we didn't even take a minute to stop and pray. We simply said, "Yes."
1 day into his stay, we knew there was more to D's story than we were told and more to his needs than we were told.
The first week was R.O.U.G.H.
We were angry (how could the social workers not know of these issues ahead of time?!??!). We were tired (the first few nights he didn't fall asleep until after 11 or 12 and we changed bedding at least 5 nights a week, with overnight diapers on!). We were losing control (let's just say D has very agressive behaviors both physically and verbally).
We've got story after story about the following weeks and the toll it put on our family. But we continued to push through.
Afterall, we're superhumans.
We love kids.
We're good parents.
We want to help.
We can do it all....
And then we finally broke. And it H.U.R.T. For my husband to look at me and say, "You just can't. We just can't. This situation is not healthy for anyone involved," was heartbreaking. I never thought we'd bring a child into our home and then have to turn them away.
The more we prayed about it, the clearer it was that we had to let him go.....and even though I still wrestle with the feelings of...
we let him down,
we gave up,
we could have done more,
etc
I know it was right.
Turns out, after we finally admitted it was time for D to move to another house, he got moved to a theraputic home where he's getting the one-on-one care he needs. AND he moved to another town that's close to his family which he is now able to see.
Turns out, us being able to say "we can't" was best for D.
My heart still aches over this situation. It probably always will.
But, we've learned a lot, grown a lot, and are stronger because God placed D in our house for those 8 weeks.
"Foster care is risky. Adoption is risky. Love itself is always risky."
primarily because I felt like we failed.
I've been told time and time again from others that they simply could not do foster care because you eventually give them back. As Johnny Carr put it in Orphan Justice, "Too often seflishness keeps us from taking care of these children... Sally is going to be in the foster system whether she is in your home or not...."
We prepared ourselves for the reality that fostering children would almost always be temporary and mean we'd have to eventually say goodbye.
What we were never prepared for was when WE were the ones choosing to say goodbye.
When D entered our home, we were told there were no known behavioral issues. Not that we wouldn't have taken if we would have known the truth to that statement...but we were not prepared for the 8 weeks that was coming. When we got the call we didn't even take a minute to stop and pray. We simply said, "Yes."
1 day into his stay, we knew there was more to D's story than we were told and more to his needs than we were told.
The first week was R.O.U.G.H.
We were angry (how could the social workers not know of these issues ahead of time?!??!). We were tired (the first few nights he didn't fall asleep until after 11 or 12 and we changed bedding at least 5 nights a week, with overnight diapers on!). We were losing control (let's just say D has very agressive behaviors both physically and verbally).
We've got story after story about the following weeks and the toll it put on our family. But we continued to push through.
Afterall, we're superhumans.
We love kids.
We're good parents.
We want to help.
We can do it all....
And then we finally broke. And it H.U.R.T. For my husband to look at me and say, "You just can't. We just can't. This situation is not healthy for anyone involved," was heartbreaking. I never thought we'd bring a child into our home and then have to turn them away.
The more we prayed about it, the clearer it was that we had to let him go.....and even though I still wrestle with the feelings of...
we let him down,
we gave up,
we could have done more,
etc
I know it was right.
Turns out, after we finally admitted it was time for D to move to another house, he got moved to a theraputic home where he's getting the one-on-one care he needs. AND he moved to another town that's close to his family which he is now able to see.
Turns out, us being able to say "we can't" was best for D.
My heart still aches over this situation. It probably always will.
But, we've learned a lot, grown a lot, and are stronger because God placed D in our house for those 8 weeks.
and THiS is exactly why you are such amazing parents. Foster, biological, and adoptive.
ReplyDelete