I can't believe it's January and our big boys have been home for 3 months! It actually seems like much longer...and I can hardly remember life without all 6 of our kiddos under one roof.
These past three months have seen us through a lot. People are always asking us how it's going and sometimes that's a very hard question to answer--and not because I have a lack of words to share. (Quite the opposite actually) But, I find myself having to think before I speak (thanks Mom!) and also want to be honest. People like to hear the good. To see the good. To see life as peaches and roses.
But....truth is.....it's been hard. (don't worry there is TONS of good....much of which you'll get to read about in the next few posts!!!!)
We knew of the challenges we'd be up against before we became eight. We knew this wasn't going to be easy. Nothing we're experiencing or have experienced has surprised us in the least bit. BUT, nothing can fully prepare parents for older child adoption.
About a month and a half after the boys came home we hit a low. All six of our children were acting out. We were all in survival mode and all trying to cling on to what was normal to us. It caused a lot of stress. Nothing seemed to help. If anything, things were getting worse. Bobby and I began to argue. I was a mess and cried most nights as I felt like a failure.
Thanksgiving rolled around and even though I was able to see all I had to be Thankful for, we had two weeks of utter chaos going on in our home.
Guilt consumed me like never before.
We knew this was the path we were supposed to follow for our family. God clearly led us here. But why was it so stinkin' hard? Why did I feel like we were failing? Why am I not strong enough to put my family together?
And then....I began to pray like never before. Constant prayer throughout the day. For myself, for Bobby, for each child, for our family. Slowly I began to see God show up in our daily tasks. He showed me time and time again that I need to lean on Him.
Part of my problem admitting how hard life was or how down I had become was I felt like people expected this to be a joyful, happy journey. Once I opened my heart to God, Bobby, and a few close friends I realized I didn't need to hide my weaknesses. My personal verse for the past 6 months (posted right on my mirror for me to read every morning) was staring right in front of me, but I wasn't giving it any clout.
After Thanksgiving passed, I felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. I was no longer living with a weight of guilt....but felt lifted up as I realized this was not my path alone. I was not the one that was going to mend our family and help us grow together. Only God could have orchestrated uniting the 8 of us...God did call us down this path. He led us here, now it's up to us to trust Him and lean on Him to get us through the trials and growth as a family.
I had to make the choice to see our struggles and trials as opportunities to lean on God and to grow stronger. And even though I go to bed exhausted and I still fail every day as a mother, I am refreshed every morning--for I know these struggles and growing pains are temporary.
And I've added this verse to my mirror as a reminder.....
The month of December brought a lot of healing, growing, and mending. Up tomorrow: "On the Rise"
These past three months have seen us through a lot. People are always asking us how it's going and sometimes that's a very hard question to answer--and not because I have a lack of words to share. (Quite the opposite actually) But, I find myself having to think before I speak (thanks Mom!) and also want to be honest. People like to hear the good. To see the good. To see life as peaches and roses.
But....truth is.....it's been hard. (don't worry there is TONS of good....much of which you'll get to read about in the next few posts!!!!)
We knew of the challenges we'd be up against before we became eight. We knew this wasn't going to be easy. Nothing we're experiencing or have experienced has surprised us in the least bit. BUT, nothing can fully prepare parents for older child adoption.
About a month and a half after the boys came home we hit a low. All six of our children were acting out. We were all in survival mode and all trying to cling on to what was normal to us. It caused a lot of stress. Nothing seemed to help. If anything, things were getting worse. Bobby and I began to argue. I was a mess and cried most nights as I felt like a failure.
Thanksgiving rolled around and even though I was able to see all I had to be Thankful for, we had two weeks of utter chaos going on in our home.
Guilt consumed me like never before.
We knew this was the path we were supposed to follow for our family. God clearly led us here. But why was it so stinkin' hard? Why did I feel like we were failing? Why am I not strong enough to put my family together?
And then....I began to pray like never before. Constant prayer throughout the day. For myself, for Bobby, for each child, for our family. Slowly I began to see God show up in our daily tasks. He showed me time and time again that I need to lean on Him.
Part of my problem admitting how hard life was or how down I had become was I felt like people expected this to be a joyful, happy journey. Once I opened my heart to God, Bobby, and a few close friends I realized I didn't need to hide my weaknesses. My personal verse for the past 6 months (posted right on my mirror for me to read every morning) was staring right in front of me, but I wasn't giving it any clout.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me......For when I am weak, then I am strong.Of course I knew that God was here. That He knew every struggle I faced, every time I failed, every emotion I was feeling. But, I hadn't fully acknowledged Him in my current weaknesses.
After Thanksgiving passed, I felt like a weight was lifted from my shoulders. I was no longer living with a weight of guilt....but felt lifted up as I realized this was not my path alone. I was not the one that was going to mend our family and help us grow together. Only God could have orchestrated uniting the 8 of us...God did call us down this path. He led us here, now it's up to us to trust Him and lean on Him to get us through the trials and growth as a family.
I had to make the choice to see our struggles and trials as opportunities to lean on God and to grow stronger. And even though I go to bed exhausted and I still fail every day as a mother, I am refreshed every morning--for I know these struggles and growing pains are temporary.
And I've added this verse to my mirror as a reminder.....
2 Corinthians 4:17
For this light momentary affiliation is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison.................
The month of December brought a lot of healing, growing, and mending. Up tomorrow: "On the Rise"
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