As I wrote about yesterday, this time in our life has proven to be full of trials...but has also grown us more than I had imagined. Adding to our family this time around has most definitely been the hardest adjustment.
With D and N joining our family, we were all on survival mode. With two new children in the family that are the oldest--yet need the most attention, comfort, and time--it set the whole family back. The three youngest were striving for attention. And Eli.....well, as much as he truly wanted two older brothers, he lost his identity as the eldest child (more about this at a later time)....
The boys are wonderful, wonderful boys who want to do well. They want to please us and even WANT to be members of our family. But, being they had never lived in family setting with a mom, dad, and siblings, they need to learn how to be members of our family.
It's not us 6 and the 2 of them...It's the 8 of us.
When the boys first came home they would have been completely happy and content sitting up in their room together all afternoon/evening. We leaned quickly we had to set some ground rules. Rules that were not liked by any of our children.....but things that had to be implemented to grow our family together. I felt like we were punishing them for loving each other and I had to continually remind myself this pain was going to be temporary. This consistent battle would help us become united.
One unit.
A team.
A family.
We assigned seats at the breakfast bar, dinner table, and the car. We made them learn to play together by making sure each sibling got time with every other sibling one on one. We implemented activities that they would all do together. When conflict arose (arises)we sat down to discuss growing as a family. Over and over and over again.
We've cut down on outside commitments, activities and play dates. And....we spend time together.
Today was supposed to be the last day of our 16 day Christmas break, but we just got word school is cancelled as temps could drop to 60 below with the wind chill. To be honest, I was excited for this long break with my family--but also pessimistic. Bobby and I had discussed the possibility of traveling to MT for Christmas, or taking a little family trip over the two weeks. In the end, we decided these weeks would be a good time of hunkering down as a family and bonding. And that's exactly what we did. Other than church and holiday gatherings with family, we stayed home. And I'm so thankful we did.
The first few days were rough. In fact, the first full day home together Bobby came home to two children on the couch, mom in tears, and one child sitting on the steps. After that first day I was not looking forward to the next 2 weeks.
But, once again we made a game plan.
We had some tough family talks.
We set some ground rules for our days at home...
-there would be some free time and a lot of guided game time.
-there would be required down time every day (which meant the three oldest read in the loft as the three youngest napped)
-there would be no added electronic times, our TV/Computer/Wii rules would be the same.
-in addition to earning/losing popsicle sticks for electronics, we also implemented the Consequence Jar (post coming soon)
It wasn't a perfect plan...but it helped....A LOT!
Instead of lying in my bed crying at night (okay, maybe I did that one night!), I found myself in tears as I listened to them playing together (for more than 10 minutes)--all six of them, laughing, giggling, and talking.
They (and I) have learned that being home together is not boring or bad. Yes, we've had some breakdowns, tears, and some hard stuff we've had to walk through...BUT, I'm completely amazed at the way the 6 of them (even little Miss Addy has started to be part of the clan!) have truly bonded and grown over these 16 days together.
One other thing I believe helped were the Christmas gifts we bought the kids. Instead of the typical tree with presents below for each child, we bought family gifts.
Six gifts.
Not tagged.
Each child opened a family gift, something we could do together. Which led to a lot of game playing, lego building, and sledding (tubing).
Yes, we have some hard (heartbreaking) things to work through. Yes, we have a lot of growing and healing to do. BUT, I'm convinced that if we can continue to grow and love each other as a family, we can get through all the muck of our pasts and the trials of our futures TOGETHER.
And so, as this break ends, I can officially say I feel like we're ON THE RISE.
With D and N joining our family, we were all on survival mode. With two new children in the family that are the oldest--yet need the most attention, comfort, and time--it set the whole family back. The three youngest were striving for attention. And Eli.....well, as much as he truly wanted two older brothers, he lost his identity as the eldest child (more about this at a later time)....
The boys are wonderful, wonderful boys who want to do well. They want to please us and even WANT to be members of our family. But, being they had never lived in family setting with a mom, dad, and siblings, they need to learn how to be members of our family.
It's not us 6 and the 2 of them...It's the 8 of us.
When the boys first came home they would have been completely happy and content sitting up in their room together all afternoon/evening. We leaned quickly we had to set some ground rules. Rules that were not liked by any of our children.....but things that had to be implemented to grow our family together. I felt like we were punishing them for loving each other and I had to continually remind myself this pain was going to be temporary. This consistent battle would help us become united.
One unit.
A team.
A family.
We assigned seats at the breakfast bar, dinner table, and the car. We made them learn to play together by making sure each sibling got time with every other sibling one on one. We implemented activities that they would all do together. When conflict arose (arises)we sat down to discuss growing as a family. Over and over and over again.
We've cut down on outside commitments, activities and play dates. And....we spend time together.
Today was supposed to be the last day of our 16 day Christmas break, but we just got word school is cancelled as temps could drop to 60 below with the wind chill. To be honest, I was excited for this long break with my family--but also pessimistic. Bobby and I had discussed the possibility of traveling to MT for Christmas, or taking a little family trip over the two weeks. In the end, we decided these weeks would be a good time of hunkering down as a family and bonding. And that's exactly what we did. Other than church and holiday gatherings with family, we stayed home. And I'm so thankful we did.
The first few days were rough. In fact, the first full day home together Bobby came home to two children on the couch, mom in tears, and one child sitting on the steps. After that first day I was not looking forward to the next 2 weeks.
But, once again we made a game plan.
We had some tough family talks.
We set some ground rules for our days at home...
-there would be some free time and a lot of guided game time.
-there would be required down time every day (which meant the three oldest read in the loft as the three youngest napped)
-there would be no added electronic times, our TV/Computer/Wii rules would be the same.
-in addition to earning/losing popsicle sticks for electronics, we also implemented the Consequence Jar (post coming soon)
It wasn't a perfect plan...but it helped....A LOT!
Instead of lying in my bed crying at night (okay, maybe I did that one night!), I found myself in tears as I listened to them playing together (for more than 10 minutes)--all six of them, laughing, giggling, and talking.
They (and I) have learned that being home together is not boring or bad. Yes, we've had some breakdowns, tears, and some hard stuff we've had to walk through...BUT, I'm completely amazed at the way the 6 of them (even little Miss Addy has started to be part of the clan!) have truly bonded and grown over these 16 days together.
One other thing I believe helped were the Christmas gifts we bought the kids. Instead of the typical tree with presents below for each child, we bought family gifts.
Six gifts.
Not tagged.
Each child opened a family gift, something we could do together. Which led to a lot of game playing, lego building, and sledding (tubing).
Yes, we have some hard (heartbreaking) things to work through. Yes, we have a lot of growing and healing to do. BUT, I'm convinced that if we can continue to grow and love each other as a family, we can get through all the muck of our pasts and the trials of our futures TOGETHER.
And so, as this break ends, I can officially say I feel like we're ON THE RISE.
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