Redemptive Healing

{Warning:  This is not meant to be a negative, downer post.  My goal in writing a blog has always been for others to understand foster/adoptive families better.  I know five families who also recently brought home children...and all five are feeling these exact feelings.}

Sometimes life is extra challenging.  Sometimes we are hit by a curve ball that tests us more than we ever imagined.  Sometimes we are hurting, scared, tried, tired, overwhelmed, or lonely.  Sometimes it's all of the above.

BUT, there is always hope!!!  No matter the situation or storm, there is always a purpose and perfect plan being worked out by our Father who knows each hair on our head...and most certainly knows every little trial we will face.  He also knows and gets to see the ending. 

 

Life is HARD right now.  
It's hard to not have the back page to flip to, confirming the ending will be a good one. 

But, it will be. 

God's plan is always the best plan.
His story is always the best. 

We just have to trust in His sovereignty. 

 

Loss, grief, connecting, and attaching take time---a lot of time.
Finding a "groove," learning new normals, and learning to work as a family do too.

We know this is the path God called us down.  We prayed for our Ethiopian adoption for years.  We LOVE our boys, and are happy to have them home. But it's hard.

Our family dynamics have changed drastically.  And even though we know the next few months are going to need more time, dedication, and perseverance from us, we are so thankful for the constant reminders of how great our God is and how much he loves us. God is fully aware of this season and He is working moment-by-moment to guide us along His chosen path.

Let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:1-2

We are seeing little improvements every day.  We're learning how to work together as a team.  The kids are starting to learn how to disagree in a kind manner. We're learning more about each other that helps us bond and grow.

Every day we get up asking God to give us the patience and grace to get through the day.  Every morning I feel refreshed, only to feel like I'm drowning by 2pm.

 A man’s heart plans his way, but the Lord directs his steps. Proverbs 16:9

My friends have asked how they can help...but honestly, I don't have an answer to that.  I can't even verbalize exactly why it's so hard.  It just is.

I've been told this transition and these feelings last 6months-1 year.  Even though we can't see the last page and how we'll feel a week, month, or year from now....we know this is exactly where we are supposed to be.  A family of 8.  6 children.  3 through birth, 3 through adoption.  Finding our way toward redemptive healing.

2 Corinthians 4:16-18: That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won’t last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don’t look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever.

10 Days Home...

I'm not going to lie, it's been a long week. 

Special, wonderful, and good....but long, tough, and exhausting! 

 

A few nights I've laid in bed wondering how I'd have the energy to get up, tears flowing down my face as I try to comprehend all that has changed for our family...and more importantly all that has changed for our boys. 

 

We have habits and expectations to break...and numerous things to teach {including not only educational things, but day to day life as a family}. 

In the 10 days home we've shared tears, laughs, and story after story.

 

We've learned a lot. 

We've grown a lot.

 

We've had to bite our tongues, roll our eyes, and laugh off things that drive us nuts.

 

But hard as it's been, it's been joyful. 

 

Seeing the excitement on their faces as the snow fell....

on their first day of school......

enjoying our first family movie night....

And learning how to compromise when it comes to food....

We continue to learn more about each other every day.  

With God's love and through the grace we've received,

we're able to share that love and offer grace to them. 

 

Today was refreshing as I was able to spend some time away from the home for awhile--having coffee/lunch with S, visiting B and sweet C in the hospital, and enjoying some one on one time with miss Ayla.

 

AND....

I was able to pick up our homecoming photos from our photographer. 

What a great reminder of how much of a blessing D and N are to our family. 

Even though this season may be overwhelming, we wouldn't have it any other way! 

God chose D and N to be a part of our family, and we love them soooooo very much. 

 

Enjoy these wonderful photos of our family of EIGHT being united!!!!

 

A special thanks to Broken Anchor Photography for capturing this night so perfectly!

Beginning Life as EIGHT!

I'm overwhelmed with happiness today as our six children lie in their beds napping from the eventful day we've had!

From leaving our guest house to arriving home we spent 36 hours traveling.  We got into Dickinson last night and were POOPED.  We literally had to pull Detcho off the plane as we whispered, "We're here."

We walked into the airport to find a grove of family and friends.  I was overwhelmed with the sight and did my best to hold back the tears, trying to stay calm and collected for the boys. I did pretty well until everyone broke out singing "God is So Good."
It was a beautiful night(can't wait to share more pictures someday soon!!).  Addy was quiet, but didn't want Nahagi to leave her side.  The boys were so happy to see so many people--even if they were tired and a little shy!  And Owen, Eli, and Ayla were just giddy!

First sibling photo!

We drove home last night a family of 8 as the kiddos chatted nonstop.  The boys were overly excited to see the entire house and to play with their siblings and kept saying, "Thank you, thank you, thank you."
We stayed up way too late, and then tucked SIX wonderful children into bed.  Tears gushed down my cheeks as I walked down the hall thanking God for each of them.

Today we woke EARLY---all six were up before 7 and ready to enjoy a day of bonding.  Nahagi jumps at any chance to help...

They played outside for a few hours this morning.  Bikes were first on their list (thanks friends!!!).  The some hiking and nerf gun wars.  Nahagi came up to me outside whispering, "Thank you mom.  Thank you for everything."  And Detcho....he hasn't stopped smiling one second.

I've been unpacking and doing laundry most of the morning, letting the kids have time together.  I came around the corner to them cuddling and visiting on the couches---and yes, I cried again as I snapped a few photos:)

Praising God today for all He has done. And thanking Him for all who helped us get here...
Prayerfully
Financially
Watching kiddos
Watching dogs
Picking kiddos up from school
Mental support
Notes of encouragement
The list goes on....
Please don't stop the prayers...as the journey is really just beginning. 

Psalm 7:17

I will give to the Lord the thanks due to his righteousness, and I will sing praise to the name of the Lord, the Most High.

Not For the Faint of Heart

These past three years have taken us through just about every emotion imaginable. The highs, the lows, and everything in between. We've experienced incredible joy, heartbreaking disappointments, moments of uncertainty, and blessings beyond anything we could have anticipated.

Adoption is not easy. It is most definitely NOT for the faint of heart.

And these past few days have reminded us of that in ways we never could have imagined. Of all the emotional ups and downs we've experienced throughout this journey, the last three days have undoubtedly been the most overwhelming.

On Thursday, we were up before sunrise and headed to the airport for our flight from Addis Ababa to Dire Dawa, a city about forty miles from Harar, the boys' birth town. From Dire Dawa, we climbed into a van and made our way to Harar. Both places were noticeably different from Addis Ababa, with smaller communities, fewer cars, and older buildings. And somehow, the people seemed even more welcoming, which I honestly hadn't thought was possible!

As we approached Harar, Nahagi began recognizing the roads. He knew every twist and turn long before we reached his village, and eventually, he asked our driver to stop. He knew EXACTLY where we needed to turn!

We left the main road and began bouncing along a dirt path that clearly wasn't used by vehicles very often. We had barely made it a few feet when a little girl, probably about six years old, spotted our van and came running toward us.

"NAHAGI! NAHAGI!"

She was SO excited! She ran alongside the van as we continued down the path toward the boys' community, calling out to Nahagi the entire way.
Before we knew it, people of all ages were gathering around us. They knew the boys, and they welcomed them—and us—with open arms, hugs, and kisses. It was an incredible homecoming, filled with familiar faces and so much emotion.

And that began our day in Harar.

For the sake of keeping the boys' story THEIR story, I'm not going to share photographs or many of the details of our visit. Those memories belong to them, and I want to honor that. But I will say that the day was wonderfully special, filled with many tears, and something we all needed to experience.

While in Harar, we also had the opportunity to explore the city, enjoy lunch, and visit Abenezer-Harar, where the boys had lived before being moved to Abenezer-Addis Ababa. Lunch was an adventure of its own, especially when Nahagi ordered Kitfo Tibs—raw beef!! It was another opportunity to experience a little more of the culture and traditions that are such an important part of our boys' heritage.

A photo of Detcho 4 years ago!

 Streets of Harar...

 

 

Looking back, I am SO thankful that we made the decision to travel to Harar with the boys. Was it heartbreaking? Absolutely. Was it emotionally difficult? More than I can possibly explain. But it was also incredibly important for them and for us.

Someday, perhaps we'll share more of what happened during our visit. For now, I simply ask that you keep our boys in your prayers. Their young hearts have already been through so much, and there is a great deal for them to process as they prepare for another enormous change in their lives.

After our time in Harar, we returned to our hotel in Dire Dawa, where we stayed up late enjoying supper in our room and watching movies together. After such an emotionally exhausting day, it was wonderful to have a quiet evening with our boys.

On Friday, we spent the first half of the day exploring Dire Dawa before catching our flight back to Addis Ababa. We walked along the beautiful tree-lined streets, watched monkeys playing, and wandered through the market. At Nahagi's request, we stopped at a little shop to buy some baklava and another sweet treat he loves. He told us its name, which sounded something like "ha-luh-wah." Whatever it was, he was certainly excited about it!

And to top off our little adventure, we even took a ride in a horse-and-buggy taxi!

 

  

It was wonderful to spend time exploring these places with the boys and experiencing some of the sights, foods, and everyday activities they were familiar with. Every little experience helped us learn more about them and the country they call home.

But as much as we enjoyed those moments, we knew another emotional day awaited us when we returned to Addis.

This morning, we woke up with lumps in our throats, knowing we were about to take the boys back to Abenezer for their Going Away Ceremony. We had heard about the ceremony from other adoptive families and knew it was an important tradition at the orphanage. But we didn't know exactly what to expect, and we certainly weren't prepared for just how emotional it would be.

When we arrived, everyone gathered in the schoolroom and dining area. The children were seated around the room, and our boys came in wearing their traditional Ethiopian outfits.

It was such a special sight, but I could already feel the tears coming.

The ceremony began with the staff calling our family forward so they could pray for us. As we stood before everyone, the emotions became overwhelming. Nearly everyone was crying, including Detcho, who was SOBBING in the arms of the orphanage director.

Oh, how my heart ached for our sweet boy!

It was difficult to make it through the prayer with so many tears flowing. There was so much love in that room, but there was also the unmistakable sadness of knowing that the boys were saying goodbye to people who had been part of their lives for years.

After the prayer, the four of us were seated while the other children came forward to give Detcho and Nahagi pictures they had made for them, along with plenty of hugs. It was incredibly touching to watch their friends say goodbye and share these special little gifts.

Then the boys and several of their friends treated us to traditional Ethiopian songs and dancing. What a beautiful way to celebrate them and the friendships they had built over the years! We finished the ceremony by enjoying a wonderful assortment of treats together.

 

 

 

 

A few hours later, it was time to leave.

We climbed into the van and prepared to pull away from Abenezer, a place that was so dear to our boys and had become incredibly special to us as well.

Even the grown men were standing around the van with tears in their eyes. Earlier in the day, one of the men had pulled me aside to make sure I understood just how special Detcho and Nahagi were to everyone at Abenezer. He explained that the entire week had been difficult for the staff and children as they prepared to say goodbye.

Our boys had been there for so long that they had become a significant part of the Abenezer family. They were loved deeply, and their departure was going to leave an enormous hole in the hearts of the people who had cared for them.

Hearing those words meant so much to me. As a mother, I was overwhelmed with gratitude for the people who had loved our boys during the years when we couldn't be there.

But I was also heartbroken for the boys as they prepared to leave behind so much of what was familiar to them.

It was another beautiful, meaningful day, but it was also an incredibly difficult one.

We ask that you continue lifting Detcho and Nahagi up in prayer. They've experienced several very emotional days, and there is so much for them to work through as they prepare for the next chapter of their lives.

We have two more days in Ethiopia before beginning our journey home. The boys ARE excited and anxious to come home with us, and we are beyond thrilled to finally bring them home to their brothers and sisters.

But in the midst of all that excitement, we keep reminding them that it's OKAY to be sad. It's okay to miss the people they love, to grieve the things they're leaving behind, and to feel more than one emotion at the same time.

We know that coming home to our family is something they've been looking forward to, but we also know that leaving Ethiopia means saying goodbye to a country, a community, and people who have been an important part of their lives.

Our hearts are overflowing with love for these boys, and we are praying that God will give them comfort, peace, and reassurance as we walk through these changes together.

Adoption truly isn't for the faint of heart.

But oh, how grateful we are for the privilege of being their parents and walking alongside them through every joy and every challenge that lies ahead.