Things of the world

Do not love the world or the things in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the desires of the flesh and the desires of the eyes and pride of life—is not from the Father but is from the world. And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever. 
1 John 2: 15-17

I have some major flesh issues God has been working out in me and it hasn’t been easy to admit or confront.  Yes, I can rattle off the scriptures I need and I know it is 100% my own personal sin. 

However, knowing is much different than applying….

I was ATTACHED (firmly) to our beautiful house and yard. The family house.  The great entertaining house.  The yard with activities 365 days a year.  The gardens.  The patio.  The horse pasture. The tree house.  The land. 

And not only physical, visible aspects of the home, but the emotional side as well.  When most people say they “built” their house, they mean they hired someone (like my talented husband) to build it.  When we say we “built” our house, we mean it literally. 

•  I remember the day Bobby and I went out to stake the house and determine the exact angle we wanted it. 
• I remember back filling the garage and having the kids help compact the dirt. 
• I remember the argument over the location of the fireplace.
• I remember the friends that came over and helped us wire.
• I remember the LATE nights working hard for the final finishes and painting the entire house. 
• I remember every step of building (all the while, our kids were by our side helping, playing, and getting dirty).
• I remember moving in the week of Addy’s birthday, insisting we had her first birthday in our new home (even without counter tops or sinks). 
• I remember welcoming a foster child into the home the week we moved in and the sorrow we felt when his needs became too great and we had to move him to another home. 
• I remember the 14 other foster children that slept in those rooms.  And the 3 more children that came home to that house.
• I remember the Christmas parties, 4^th of July barbecues, birthday parties, and holidays (and of course the small mantle that became our favorite photo taking spot—besides the great family photos taken in the yard).
• I remember some HARD trials we went through with our adopted children and the people that came into the doors to minister to us and help us through days when we were so broken.

You see, in moving to Colorado I DID NOT want to give up the place we built to be our “forever” home.  I shed many tears and wasn’t even emotionally able to take a last family photo there. 

As our move became closer, many of you asked about our housing situation and my response was, “We’re renting for now, but we’re buying some land to build our next home.”  For the first couple months after we decided to move, I was not 100% certain.  However, after making a couple trips down and deciding on this particular land, I got more excited.  I took two weeks sketching, erasing, and drawing new house plans.  And what got me through many of the goodbyes and the heartache I was feeling, were the plans and dreams of this next house….

But…

The day before we left for CO we found out we were not going to be able to close on the land.  I was devastated and the day we arrived in Colorado, I was angry. 

But then….

We had HLF meetings and activities our first four days here and I was quickly reminded of the real reason we moved down here.  We didn’t move down here for the new land and house I had planned.  We moved here to serve a ministry we love. 

These last 10 or so days God has completely opened my eyes to the flesh issues I’ve been harboring.  He has brought me back to a deeper understanding of serving with arms wide open.  And, He has helped me to overcome the lack of joy I was feeling.

Am I still grieving my past temporal home?  Yes. 

But here I am.  Trying diligently to not be anxious about where we will live, and in the meantime staying busy making this rental feel like a home for our family. 

Here I am Lord.
Ready to love.
Ready to serve.
Willing to be sanctified.

Never Say Never

Wow!  What a year it's been.  As ya'll know, we welcomed Hannah into our home in June and in December she legally became a Williams. We took a lot of the summer to settle in, get to know one another, and go through all the pains of "Growing as NINE."  I've had to update the blog title a few times, and I won't be doing it again.  As you may have noticed, I'm not much into blogging anymore and I may not start up again. Plus, who knows, maybe someday the "Eight" will stand for eight children.  Maybe, maybe not.  (I am asked at least once a month if we are done.  As those of you have been with us from the beginning know, that is a word we don't take lightly.  Only the Lord knows!)

Another word we don't take lightly is 'never.'  Sometime early this fall, I very distinctly remember telling a dear friend, "I will NEVER live in Colorado again."

Well, the old saying, "Never say never," rings true again.

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Our adoption story starts the year we were married. It isn't just a story of our Congo and Ethiopian adoptions...it's a story of God's unfailing love and the transformation He has done in our lives.

Some of you may know that when we were first married, we were definitely not living for the Lord.  Our marriage was ugly and our first year of marriage was tough.  We were dealing with some ugly situations: marital spats, drinking, and infertility. 

After about 6 months of doctor appointment after doctor appointment, we moved to CO to start fresh.  It was a wonderful move for the two of us and a fresh start to grow as a couple.  We continued to see a fertility specialist and months later we found ourselves giving up hope and started to consider adoption.

THEN, we found out we were expecting and decided it was time to move to MT to be closer to family.
Fast forward a few years and we were living in MT with not only our first born, Eli, but our second child, Ayla.  We were happy, content, and loving life.  During this time we found a church home, but it was only a home to us on Sundays.  I'll never forget the night our pastor came over for some discussion with us to join the church.  We started getting into a conversation in which we needed a Bible....and Bobby and I had NO CLUE where our Bible was!  Both of us grew up in Christian homes and had even began going to church regularly since Eli was born. BUT, we still were not living as Christ followers and neither of us could really explain our faith to anyone and neither of us had ever made the personal commitment to truly follow Jesus.

In December of 2008 we hesitantly decided to move back to ND to be closer to my family and extended family...
Through that move, our lives were completely transformed.

 Spring of 2009 we walked through the doors of the Evangelical Bible Church for the first time.  We attended on and off for a few months, after being completely “weirded out” the first few times there.  BUT, something kept drawing us in the doors.  We started going to Sunday School every Sunday, attending church regularly, praying together, and reading our Bibles (that we then knew exactly where they were). 

June 2010, we welcomed our 3rd child, Owen, to our family.  After  he was born, I was determined to convince Bobby to have another child...he had different plans.  He was adamant that if we had another child, it would be through adoption. 

We flew to a few adoption conferences to gear our hearts and minds for adopting.  The very first conference we went to, we learned of churches having ministries geared specifically to orphan care and from there we came back and approached our church board about starting what is now Embrace. At the next conference, CAFO Summit in CA, we were walking the booths and met a couple with an organization called His Little Feet.  We made small talk with the children at their booth and spent some time getting to know the organization.  We actually signed our church up for a possible choir booking and then brought the information back to bring His Little Feet to EBC. 

September of 2012, we welcomed Addy to our family from Congo after a trying adoption journey. Neither of us will ever forget the day we left the orphanage with our beautiful, chubby baby girl, tears streaming down our faces as we saw all the older children crying as we left….children who saw baby after baby leave, while they longed for a family.

Long story short, we came home and decided to pursue adopting 1-2 older children from Ethiopia.  Our wait time which was supposed to be 24-36 months for an infant was then almost immediate.  We were referred our boys, Detcho and Nagi, in May of 2013.  As that time, we had not clue they were former choir members of His Little Feet, nor that we had met them at that conference in CA.  HLF came to EBC fro the first time in July 2013, ONE WEEK before we left to meet D and N for the first time.

Since then, HLF has been back 4 times and we have grown a fond relationship with them due to their work and how it impacted our boys' lives so much.  Their discipleship program and commitment to seeing the children thrive beyond their time with the choir has impressed us over and over again.

Their latest trip to EBC was this November over Thanksgiving.  Our family was given the opportunity to host the entire team for Thanksgiving dinner, and one BIG slumber party!  But Thanksgiving night, God brought a huge turn of events to our family….

The HLF directors and our dear friends, Mike and Christa Hahn, were staying at our house and we began visiting about the growth and direction of HLF.  Out of nowhere (to us), they mentioned they had been praying for our family and they felt like they needed to approach us about joining their ministry. 

Looking back at our time in Dickinson, and how God has equipped us over these years is something we are humbled to share. EBC’s mission statement, “Building Faith, Sending Out, Sharing God” is something that is hitting near and dear to us. It’s appropriate to say that we believe God has truly been ‘building our faith’ these past 9 years in the most amazing ways that up until a couple months ago, we may not have truly realized the entirety of it.

As mentioned, in December, we officially welcomed Hannah into our family. Each of our children have taught us more about God’s grace, love, and compassion in their own beautiful ways, and Hannah has been no exception. Her courage to commit to our family has been a total encouragement and perhaps a final preparation point.

After being approached by HLF, we committed to pray and seek direction through our personal prayer and quiet times.  We returned to each other a few days after our time to ourselves and were terrified at the thought of  what this could mean…our family, our home, our jobs, our relationships, our involvement in Embrace, our church—and the list goes on. But yet, we both can look over these past 9 years and feel God leading us to this next journey...

We accepted the position as Directors of Campus and International Development with His Little Feet and our family will be making the move (to COLORADO) this summer.

For a couple that started 13 years ago with a rocky start, it's humbling and overwhelming to see how amazing our God is!

Sticks and Stones May Break Your Bones and Words Can ALWAYS Hurt You

This process has been a long one so we are very happy to be home and together as 9.    We are eager to grow together and spend a summer of bonding.  We know things aren't going to be easy and we know WE are going to make numerous mistakes through this transition.

However, we'd like to help our friends and family not make some common mistakes right off the bat with Miss H.

PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, be mindful of the things you ask and say to H.
Do not ask her about her past.
Don't ask her, "Do you like it here?"
or
"Are you happy to be here?"

I know I've shared this quote before, but it's so true and is worth repeating year after year!

Adoption loss is the only trauma in the world where the victims are expected by the whole of society to be grateful. 

For those of you with children who will be around our family a lot, PLEASE explain adoption to them.

For the sake of H's heart and her comfort, welcome her with open arms and by all means visit with her...just be mindful and thoughtful of HER needs, not YOUR curiosity.

(It's always nice to be mindful of the things you ask/say to adoptive parents as well, but her needs and feelings are the utmost importance!)

Prayers for a Sister

To many of you, this news will come as a great surprise...

Before the news, let's rewind a bit.

Early fall 2015, Bobby and I started mildly discussing another adoption.  MILDY.

A situation arose that kept us up late one October night.  We honestly didn't know what to think because we really hoped to adopt from Ethiopia again, and these girls were from Philippines.  [Can we say no simply because of where they are from?]  We decided to move forward, knowing there were a gazillion things that had to fall in place for it to happen.

At this point, our children didn't know about these girls or of us considering another adoption...

THE NEXT DAY we were driving in the car and asked the kids to each answer, "If you had one wish, what would it be?"  Ayla responded, "Well, that's easy.  I had to do this in class today and wrote I wish for another sister."  The next two children responded with, "Me too, we need more girls in our family."

Bobby almost wrecked the car, turned to me, and lipped, "YOU SAID SOMETHING."  But I hadn't.

To make a complicating story short, we'll just say that possibility didn't work out and we decided to put adoption aside for a bit.

Well, that idea didn't leave Ayla, and I believe from that day 15 months ago, she has prayed every day for another sister.

Winter rolled around and we became more serious about pursing something.  Again, our hearts were interested in Ethiopia as we felt it would be beneficial for Addy to have a sister that resembled her and we love Ethiopia.  BUT, things in Ethiopia weren't stable with adoptions and we realized that wasn't a path we wanted to start.

We considered domestic adoption, but were told it would be highly unlikely of a birth mother to choose our large family.  So, we decided to pursue adoption through foster care.  We got almost all our paperwork together within a week, got doctor's appointments for all 8 of us, and were ready to sign a $3,000 check.

It was a busy week for us and every night we spoke about sending in the payment, but never got around to it....

AND THEN...

One evening that week I was opening a packet in the mail and saw a beautiful face with dark brown eyes staring at me. I proceeded to read her short profile and in that moment something in me fluttered and told me, "She's the one."

I impatiently waited for Bobby to come home, then eagerly waited for him to open the mail. I sat and watched him open every envelope and flip through every paper until I saw him reading what I had read. He turned to me and said something like, "What on earth. Did you see this?!?!?!  I think you have a phone call to make first thing tomorrow."

And so that check was never written and I did make that phone call. 

Since February her photo has been on our fridge and our family has prayed diligently for her.  It became such an obsession to Ayla that we had to explain to her over and over again that there were many things that had to fall into place and it wouldn't be quick or easy.  Because it's been a long time praying for a specific child, we got attached to the idea, but remained nervous at the attachment we were all forming.

For the last three months a resounding prayer has been, "Lord, our family desires to be ____'s family, but we really pray that you place her in the home that is right for her.  We pray she gets a family soon. Amen."

Today, with my hands shaking, I walked out of my classroom (right in the middle of class--thanks S for coming to their watch!!!) and answered the call telling me our family had been chosen as her family.

We can't share any information at this time and as our children have grown older, we've found the need to keep our family's story more and more quiet.  It's hard not to shout all the specifics from the rooftop as the way the story unfolded and the connections and answers to specific prayers are numerous.

To you, people who have shared our joy and sorrows through this journey these past five years, we wanted to let you in on this adoption news.   However, this will likely be the first and final post regarding this step in growing our family.

I'll continue to post things that aren't private and will continue to be a voice for foster care and adoption. In fact, there will be a post about foster care in the near future. Our lives are forever changed by each and every child that has walked in our doors and we hope to encourage others to be changed by fostering as well.

Cheers to a New Year.  A new daughter.  A new beginning....

A Brother's Love

Back in February 2013 we feared adding older children to our home as Eli was very clearly the oldest and seemed to fit the role well.  We feared adopting out of birth order was going to bring a lot of confusion and trouble to him.

I'll never forget that evening almost 3 years ago when I was sitting in the living room and HE asked me if we would adopt an older child if that was God's plan. 

As we moved forward and officially decided to adopt older children, we were nervous.

As the boys came home and transitioned into our family, we were nervous.

As the honeymoon stage wore off and the reality of having 2 older (oldest) children in the home sunk in, we were nervous.

Turns out, NEVER ONCE has Eli wished for things to be any different than they are.  In fact, he has cherished having two older brothers more than we could have dreamed.  (So much that his younger sister gets jealous of their relationship and says she wants older sisters.)

As Christmas time is here and soon we'll be posting photos of our children all dressed to the nines, I couldn't pass this opportunity to share with you Eli's love for his siblings and how his heart for adoption has only grown. 

Eli's Thanksgiving writing:

Reading this, I burst into tears.  What if we wouldn't have said yes.  What if we would have let one of OUR biggest fears stand in the way....that fear that is completely erased and has turned into pure joy and confirmation. 

Thank you Lord for Eli.  Our son who has always been compassionate.  The one who is always looking out for others, always wanting to give, always tender hearted. 

Thank you Lord for my big boys who have been woven into our family and love their siblings FIERCEFULLY.

Philippians 4:4-7

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice.  Let your reasonableness be known to everyone.  The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

This is the verse I clung to when we decided to move forward in adopting out of birth order.  May we continually give thanks, rejoicing in what the Lord has done. 

And now, as we celebrate Christmas, let's adore Him.

There'll Be Days Like This

I've taken little hiatus from blog writing for the past year.  I came on today with a few things on my mind (which will become a new post another time) and found this DRAFT from one year ago....the day that marked one year of Nagi and Detcho being home.

It's amazing that now marks TWO YEARS since D and N physically joined our family, and as I reread this year-old post, I realize how important it is for other waiting moms to know that now, two years down this journey, many (or all!) of these things still ring true today.

October 1st, 2013:

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Post written October 1, 2014:

Well, it's been a year.  It absolutely amazes me to look back at all we've gone through in the past 12 months.  Before we brought Detcho and Nahagi home, we prepared as much as we could: reading books on older child adoption, reaching out to families who have walked these shoes, and attending conferences.  I'm now convinced NOTHING can fully prepare a family, but the more you do ahead of time, the better off you'll be!

To those of you considering older children adoption or those who have recently brought home an older child, I want to encourage you by letting you know YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  I want to remind you that it is completely normal to have days like this.....

• Days before and after the adoption that you spend learning as much as you can about your child's culture.  What foods can you make to help them feel a sense of security? What was their "normal" when it comes to family, friends, living conditions, clothing, education, etc?
• Days when you are so very thankful that God brought this child into your home, yet you wonder why it's so hard.
• Days when attaching to your child will be very hard.  That may be because your expectations (which we're all told we shouldn't have any--wish I could have followed that advice!) are just way too high.  It may be due to pet peeves, the lack of knowing each other, or all the adjustments being made by everyone.
• Days when you need to lock yourself in your bathroom and cry out to Jesus to help sustain and equip you to continue pushing through every minute of every day.
• Days when you're painted over your child's past (and reality) and you can't imagine all that they've gone through.  You'll get emotionally exhausted by the hard conversations.
• Days when you're down right exhausted from constantly educating and explaining things over and over and over again when your family/culture/ways are all so new.
• Days when you feel alone.  You may not know anyone in a close proximity that has adopted an older child.  And, let's face it: older children adoption is usually viewed as "risky" by others.  Some people will push (or scare) away from you and your family.  
• Days when you'll be on the computer, on the phone, or in books trying to find another way to try something.....
• Days when you have to drop everything and put first things first.  Canceling appointments, coffee dates, play dates, and laundry will become a common occurrence as your child transitions into your home---which may not go away for a long time--even a year down the road!
• Days when you question if this REALLY was God's will for your family.  Surely it shouldn't be this hard or bring this much pain, right?!?!?
• Days when you feel like your failing....you'll ask yourself, "It's been ____ months now, shouldn't I have _____ figured out by now?" (and you won't stop asking yourself that even a year down the road)

Yes, we've had days like these.  Many, many days like these.  BUT, I can tell you with all certainty, I've NEVER wished for my big boys to not be here.  I've NEVER questioned my love for them.  I've NEVER EVER understood God's love for me as much as I do after welcoming them into our home. 

A couple weeks ago in church our Pastor was talking about the abundant life we receive when we're adopted into God's Kingdom.  He said one of the biggest gifts through the abundant life is the gift of God being WITH US. 

For those of you just beginning this journey, a little wisdom:

• Yes, you will have days like the ones above, but NEVER let those days/thoughts take a stronghold. 
• GET ON YOUR KNEES.
• Pick a few things to work on at a time.  Your child will come home and there will be so many little things to teach them.   Don't ever let your child feel like there are more things you need to change about them than you LOVE about them. 
• BE ON YOUR KNEES.
• Bring laughter to your home as much as you can.  ENJOY the differences you and your child have.  Write down the funny stories and funny things your child says or asks.
  Ex: D and N both thought the word snot meant "it's not." I was once told the bastard (mustard) tasted really good. And D told many, many people he got a large jar of penis (peanuts) for his birthday.
  Laughter really is good medicine and they love giggling about these things now!
• Remember, just like we have the gift of God being WITH US, that is the biggest gift we can give our children.  Be there to listen and encourage and walk through life with your child even when it's hard.  Don't let them bottle up or feel alone.  Encourage them to talk to you, spend time with them, listen to them--when they want you to, not when YOU want to, pray with them, BE WITH THEM.
• GET ON YOUR KNEES.
• Reach out to other parents who are walking this journey.  I'm here to tell you every single mother I know who has adopted older children has also faced every single one of the days listed above.  Knowing that I'm not alone has been a huge encouragement and support for me.  If you don't have people physically close to you (like me), get out of your comfort zone and SEEK people who you can reach out to via phone or social media. 
• BE ON YOUR KNEES.
• Do whatever you need to do to keep your marriage rock solid.  When things get tough in the home, it's easy to take things out on each other.  Hold each other close. Keep each other grounded.  Wives, RUN TO HIM.  I know as women we often want to run to a best friend and share things with her, but many of the things you'll face are for you family alone.

I hope this post is truth and encouragement to families in or starting the journey of older children adoption.  (Bobby and I are always willing to open our door or visit via phone to anyone who wants to visit with someone who's been there.)

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Today, two years since our family of 8 has been together, I've got tears flowing down my face.  It is overwhelming to reflect on all that these two years has been.  We have SO much to be thankful for.  D and N have grown so much in two years: physically (Nagi passed me in height in April!), emotionally, socially, academically, physically.

 

There are still things that are really hard (mostly relating to academics).  But, praise the Lord we are still smiling, happy, and growing after two years as EIGHT!

Wow, we are blessed parents!!!

 

Orphan Sunday 2014

It's our fourth year joining Christians around the globe in celebrating Orphan Sunday.  As we shared in church this morning, it's not about this first Sunday in November.  It's about the children in our neighborhoods, in our country, and across the globe that need our love--God's children who are waiting for someone to come and wrap their arms around them and show them what family is, what love is.

Adoption, foster care, and orphan care are not easy.  They're often messy and always come as a result of abuse or abandonment.  BUT, these children deserve our love....NEED our love.

This month marked 2 years of having Addy home and 1 year having Detcho and Nahagi home.  Yes, this road has been long and hard, but I am overcome with emotions when I look back at these past two years.  We are beyond blessed and grateful that God chose our family for three wonderfully made children.  Three children whom I cannot imagine back on the streets or back in an orphanage.  Three children who WE are so privileged to have as a part of our family. 


At this time this year we also have the joy of an additional child living in our home--a little girl who has all 8 of us wrapped around her little fingers.  I can't explain the joy it brings to see our 6 children loving on her and welcoming her into our home, never knowing how long we will have her in our family.

Today I want to say THANK YOU to all that wrap their arms around us. Those of you who see the need to care for orphans even if that doesn't mean fostering or adoption for your family.  Those of you who have shown unconditional love toward our children and those who have supported Bobby and I as we've gone through struggles or when we've been discouraged.

There is a need for each and every person in caring for the fatherless.  Every single one of us can do SOMETHING. 

For those of you who feel a gentle nudge toward foster care or adoption, we'd love to come alongside you and support you.  If you're in SW North Dakota and want more information, visit Embrace to get started! 

Stark County Social Services recently reported to us:

• Social workers are way over case load standards.
• We currently have about 70 kids in foster care and are looking at possible removal of 8 to 10 more. 
• Our count for abuse and neglect has been the highest it has been for many years.
• Many foster parents prefer young children which leaves us struggling to find homes for our early adolescent kids and teens.  The facilities are full to capacity, and without behaviors or diagnoses the kids are not eligible for those placements anyways.  In the best interest of our foster children, we need to have the least restrictive environment for them, less placement terror, etc. on the child and that best placement is a foster home. 
• We currently have 20 foster homes, with a need of many, more homes

Let's join hands and show love to the least of these. 
Let's lift up our voices for those who cannot speak up for themselves. 
Let's be a body that works together to bring hope to the precious little ones who need us.

Matthew 25:40 I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me.

Ready or Not...

As a teacher I've been asked numerous times the past couple weeks if I'm ready for school to start.  Yes, the room is ready.  The copies are made.  The desks are set.  The bookshelves are dusted and resorted.  I've made A LOT of changes in my classroom for this year, so it's with a great big sigh that I can say tomorrow morning I'll be ready to greet 12 first graders at the door as they climb the stairs excited for the new year.   I'M READY...

Well, for the literal sense of school....

Am I ready to give up the morning cuddles, extra half hour of sleep,  more time for devotions, reading, and gardening....No.

But what I'm REALLY not ready to give up is the family time we've enjoyed this summer.  Honestly, when the summer began I wasn't so sure how ready I was for it to start.  The boys had been home for 8 months and we had a good system and routine down with school weeks.

Every summer before now we had "younger" children who may had an activity here or there or laid back t-ball twice a week.  Then this summer came and BAM, we were thrown into a whole new arena of extracurriculars--with Eli now old enough for Mustang baseball, Ayla moving up to two days a week of gymnastics, and Detcho and Nahagi having soccer 3 days a week (plus weekends)---ANNND all the summer camps!  Even though we were on the go most evenings, we spent our days together. 

We've been very fortunate for how well our children get along and love each other.  Looking back at this summer I can say not only do they love each other, but they LIKE each other and care for one another in a way I never dreamed they would at their ages.  Most days they spent 4-6 hours outside playing with each other and I'd have to peel them off their bikes to come in to eat.  We spent hours reading and discussing novels together, playing games, and building gazillions of lego creations.  I think I can count on one hand the number of times I heard "I'm bored," simply because they have each other and enjoy spending time together as a family.

The hours together each day brought up many hard conversations, many fun or serious stories, and a lot of bonding as we worked side by side laying thousands of patio pavers, raking 2 acres of dirt, planting a small garden,  and shoveling a ton of rock. 

In addition to the days, some of the best memories from summer 2014 were the nights away!  Before this summer we hadn't gone anywhere over night as 8.  By the end of the summer we spent 10+ nights in hotels (thanks traveling soccer!), and 7 nights away on vacation.  (I can tell you squeezing 8 people into one hotel room is quite hilarious at times).

For those that continue to pray for our family....THANK YOU.  Yes, there were tears and heart aches and days when I wanted to THROW THE TOWEL IN.  But, truly this summer was a huge blessing to our family and we grew leaps and bounds. 

But, tomorrow morning....
Ready or not....
it's a new school year! 

July 31st

Today's a day of reflection for me. I'm sure as everyone gets older it's common on your birthday to take a look back at what the previous year brought and the various journeys life has brought you through.

When we got married (almost) 10 years ago I could have never imagined I'd spend my 30th birthday in a hot, humid court house in the middle of Addis Ababa, Ethiopia.  That day we waited impatiently in the waiting room amongst many other adoptive parents waiting for our names to be called.  We were warned by all that it was nothing to worry about and very laid back--which it was--but no one in that situation can just sit back and relax knowing you'll be soon facing a judge who will deem you parents to the children you are adopting. 

We walked into the little room and answered all the questions (even Eli was asked a few question and he felt pretty special!) and within minutes we were declared the parents to Detcho and Nahagi. Tears streamed down my face as what we were anticipating was a reality. 

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It's been one year since that warm celebratory day in Ethiopia.  Funny how we told the boys then that  it was my birthday (remember they didn't celebrate birthdays and so it wasn't a big deal to them).....just last week I was tucking them in and they noticed the pictures hanging on their wall with their adoption date and realized it was the same as my birthday.  Oh how much joy that simple connection brought them! 

I can guarantee every year I will remember that best birthday with my heart beating heavily in that sweaty courtroom.  Every year I will look back and remember God granting us the privilege to raise these two sweet boys who have rocked our world on so many levels. 

Today I thank the Lord for the life He has given me. For my family, my friends, my awesome husband and the 6 children who call me mom. 

July 31, 2013



July 31, 2014

 

Answering THE Call

June 14th, 2013:

I woke up nervous, anxious and ready for a call (we had been called the day before asking if we'd accept a referral even though one of the children was a year older than our requested age).

I was watching the clock in anticipation as we tried to have a typical summer morning heading to the park for our Friday play group.  I quickly threw together lunches and got my four kiddos ready for a hot day.  Just as I was walking out the door--lunches, sunscreen, phone, and baby in hand-- the phone rang. 

I quickly threw everything down and answered THE CALL.

Within minutes I was looking through a file containing medical information, past history, and photos.  Two BIG boys were looking at me through the screen and all I could do was stare and cry.  I'm not going to lie, I was soooooooooo nervous.  We had been warned about not following birth order.  We had been warned about adopting older children.  We had been told, "Don't jump to just say yes, please pray and review carefully."

As odd as it may seem to those who haven't experienced it, there is just something about a photo that can touch your heart more than you would have ever known.  In the first look at the photo I KNEW.  I knew D and N were chosen for us.  I knew God was preparing our hears (and theirs) to unite us.  I knew that even though we'd have struggles, we were going to be family. 

It's been one year since we first saw those sweet faces, only now, it's not a picture half way across the world, but big smiles we're greeted with every morning and hugs we're given every night.  I can say very honestly and very sincerely that even though it's hard, these two sweet boys have brought us so much joy and have taught us so much about life.  We will NEVER be the same simply because we said yes to something that at once seemed so crazy and so scary.

Referral Photo

 And for them, they recall their feelings that June day as they got back to the orphanage from school...

"We walk in from school and they tell us we had a family.  We didn't believe it and thought they were joking.  We waited for 3 years to be told we had family.  We saw kids come and they go.  But us, no family.  We went to bed that night thinking if it was true.  The next morning someone brought photo of you.  We ran to our room and cried a lot.  I mean a lot.  We looked at the picture all day and hid it under our bed.  We didn't sleep that night all night.  My friends and nannies, they sooooo happy for us because we finally have family."

Yes, boys.  You DO have a family.  One that will never leave you or forsake you, through the calm or through the storm. 

June 13, 2014

Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord you God. (Isaiah 43:1-3)

Believing in the Dream He had for Us

This is most definitely the longest I've gone without blogging!  March was a very hard month for us all around while April and May have been BUSY--well, life is always busy but I think I'm finally realizing just how busy life with 6 active kiddos will be :) 

April 1st marked SIX MONTHS of the boys being home and April 3rd we celebrated Detcho's 10th Birthday.  Most of you know that in Ethiopia, birthday's aren't a big deal and aren't celebrated the way we do (often to extremes) in the US.  In fact, births aren't always recorded and knowing the date of your birth is very uncommon.  The week leading up to his "birthday" Detcho kept reminding us and many others that this wasn't his real birthday and questioned why we're even celebrating a fake birthday. 

We talked a lot about having this day to celebrate HIM and I explained how great it will be when he's older to look back at how he grew throughout the years....
I'm happy to share that after his party he was grinning from ear to ear and wouldn't stop thanking us for throwing him a party. 

Looking back at March/April and moving forward with a renewed sense of hope and joy, I've had time to reflect....

One thing I've seen play out time and time again through adoption journeys I've watched (and through our own) is that prior to a child coming home, families are on emotional overload--anxious, scared, excited, impatient, ready.  Then a child comes home and it's a joyous occasion--often celebrated at the airport and noticed by all. 

THEN....
A few months into the process life gets tough.  It's assumed that your children are doing well, adjusting well, fitting in well.  It's assumed that the parents have it figured out and life is all peaches and roses.

BUT...
A child (of any age) faces great loss and trauma through adoption (domestically or internationally).  A child is often struggling socially, emotionally, educationally, spiritually. 

AND...
The parents get exhausted.  Something that started so full of joy is suddenly the hardest thing you've ever experienced. 

THIS is where I was (and also where I know I'll probably be a number of times again).
Suddenly life had become TOUGH and I wanted the joy of October to return...or, to be honest, I wanted to go back in time a couple years.  BUT, thank God different things through April and early May have brought me that hope and joy I so eagerly wanted needed to return. 

In April Bobby and I traveled to Fargo to represent our adoption agency at a Casting Crowns concert.  At the concert we had tons of people stop by to ask questions about adoption and many of them wanted to know our story.  By sharing our journey with those who felt they're being led toward older children or those who are so ready but doubt the costs helped me see again how God's hands were most definitely ALL over our journey.  Orally sharing our story and how God so perfectly orchestrated bring us together as eight amazed me all over again.

Then we had a lady from our local newspaper come out to do a follow-up story on our adoption.  She wanted to get the boys' side of the adoption journey (which I'm bummed wasn't included in the article!!)....hearing them tell their story was so encouraging.  To hear them tell her they love us more than anything and to hear the things they love about our family....worth every single tear and struggle.

The beginning of May Bobby and I were able to take a little "get-away" to CAFO's Summit in Chicago.  There is nothing more refreshing and encouraging than spending a couple days with thousands of individuals who understand your family's struggles and who feel urged to care for the fatherless.  The worship, professionals, workshops, friendships, and time with Bobby were a true gift!

Yes, we will continue to have our struggles and there will be times again where I wish time could rewind or fast forward, but; this past month has brought forth restoration.  Looking back I can see how I was focusing on the hard (the tough, the day to day happenings) and NOT thinking of the ways God was and is working on myself and my family.  I realized I wasn't taking the time to notice the day to day joys and the HUGE gains we continue to make.

At the concert this song came on and my eyes immediately filled with tears.  Just a year and a half ago I would have NEVER imagined we'd adopt an older child (more less two!).  I never would have dreamed of having such beautiful, loving, giving, thankful children.  Sometimes, we just need to stop and let GOD dream for us--and then let him guide us THROUGH the dream as well!

So come on, let Me dream, let Me dream for you
I am strong when youre weak and Ill carry you
So let go of your plan, be caught by My hand
Ill show you what I can do
When I dream for you
I have a dream for you....

I'm stronger than you think I am
I'll take you farther than you think you can
You sing and call me Great I Am
So take your stand
My child, if you only knew
All the plans that I have for you
Just trust me, I will follow through
You can follow Me

 

 

Embracing the Little (err BIG) things!

Well, it's Valentine's Day and I woke up on the wrong side of the bed.  As much as I like celebrations and what-not, I wasn't feeling it today.  Not only is Bobby out of town, but we had a ROUGH day yesterday.  From a miserable little girl who wouldn't let me put her down and cried all night, to a certain child extremely mad at me that I don't believe mermaids are real---seriously, to a 3 year old who was on top of his game and an overly sensitive/grumpy older child.  5 of the 6 decided it was Gang Up on Mom Day... and my exhaustion and "so over this" attitude carried to the morning.

This morning I thankfully realized that I could control my attitude.  I could choose to be sad and bummed that I couldn't speak to my other half on this day.  I could choose to carry yesterday's mess to this new day.  OR, I could choose to find joy in the new day the Lord has given me.

By no means was it easy for me, but between a close friend going out of her way to give me some encouragement (AND CHOCOLATE) and through our class singing "One Thing Remains" during our morning worship time, I was encouraged to choose JOY through God's love.

Nehemiah 8:10 The joy of the Lord is your strength

This path of our family "Growing as Eight" is not always easy.  And through my growing I've realized I must focus on the positive and be encouraged by the growth I see, even when it seems small. 

But do you know what, the small things are often BIG things in growing of our family...

• Like when I see the way they work together, often without prompting.

• Or when a child  says, "I love mom because she loves us enough to discipline us."
• When I walk around a corner to unprompted views like this....

• In the first "out of the blue" hug I received by my eldest.
• When I found out that Nahagi goes in and wakes Ayla up with a hug every morning.
• By their tear filled prayers for each other and our family.
• In the close brotherly relationship Eli and Detcho have grown.
• In the way Nahagi steps up to help, almost always without being asked (and especially while Bobby's gone)!

To remind them of the love I have for them AND as a reminder to myself of the love we have for one another, I prepared a surprise dinner tonight.  I don't think any of our children had ever had crab before and they were beyond thrilled and thankful for this meal!    (We topped it off with one of my favorite desserts--thanks Grandma---"Strawberries on a Cloud")

Yes, an unnamed 3 year old (after being told to leave it on the table) dropped a bowl of melted butter on the floor---do you know how far melted butter can fly?!?!?!?   But as I got a bucket and began to scrub the floor/table/chairs, I heard Nahagi tell Ayla to come to the laundry room....

Seeing him wash the butter out of her hair brought me to tears.

We ARE growing. 
This house IS filled with love. 
I just have to choose to embrace it!

1 John 4:7-21 God Is Love

⁷ Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. ⁸ Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. ⁹ In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. ¹⁰ In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. ¹¹ Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. ¹² No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us.
¹³ By this we know that we abide in him and he in us, because he has given us of his Spirit. ¹⁴ And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent his Son to be the Savior of the world. ¹⁵ Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God. ¹⁶ So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him. ¹⁷ By this is love perfected with us, so that we may have confidence for the day of judgment, because as he is so also are we in this world. ¹⁸ There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love. ¹⁹ We love because he first loved us. ²⁰ If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot^[a] love God whom he has not seen. ²¹ And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother.

Winter Randomness

Some winter randomness from this month....

1. The big boys have been home for 4 months.  That's a 1/3 of a year.  That's crazy!

2.  Our spunky Addy Rose turned 2.  It's very bittersweet--the first 2 year old we have without another child on the way.  My heart aches.  A lot. 

(Addy's idea of a birthday photo session....her personality to a 'T'!!)

 

3.  Sundays in Jan/Feb we have/are studying the book Orphan Justice through Embrace.  It's my third time reading the book yet I learn more about orphan care each time I read it.  I'm challenged once again to seek justice for the social ills that are connected to orphan care (poverty, HIV/AIDS, trafficking, abortion, racism, foster care, etc).  The discussions we've been having are wonderful testimonies of the need to care for orphans MUCH beyond (and most times even before) adoption. 

4. This winter has been cold.  Really cold.  As much as I love the warm winter days when the kids are outside all afternoon sledding, I've grown to really enjoy these days stuck inside.  Okay, okay, so I don't like them while in the moment and I usually want to pull my hair out by 4pm.....but I really believe this physical closeness has helped our family connect.  I looooove having the back-up, "just go outside and play," to help me get through days--and yes, I am eagerly awaiting spring.  But looking back at the past month, I can smile and say it was worth the frozen nostrils, cooped up children, and constant chatter/bantering.

5.  We've officially been in the adoption realm for 3 years.  I can't even begin to express how much this journey has changed us--our marriage, our family (other than the 3 obvious ways!!), our faith.  A process that started as a decision to adopt 1 or 2 children from Ethiopia drastically changed and led us to a new view of life.   I'm not saying you need to adopt a child to experience this type of change....but for us, it was exactly what  we needed and God used it to teach us how to live compassionately through faith in our every day walk with Him.

1 John 3:16-18
By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers. But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him? Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth.

6.  Tomorrow Bobby embarks on another journey across the seas, as he heads to Uganda.  He is traveling with a team of 11 from our church body who will be serving at New Hope Uganda.  Their primary focus will be to help complete a kitchen at Musana camps.

People keep asking if I'm ready for the 2 weeks without my second half......that takes a loaded answer!  Yes, I'm ready for him to go and serve and very excited to see all that God has in store for this team.  But of course he will be missed around our home!  He's the one that makes the kiddos breakfast, packs the sack lunches, and picks the boys up from school.  He helps wrangle the kids into bed each night, makes me coffee, and shovels/plows the long driveway.  Those things I'm certain we can get through with some rearranging, flexibility, and frozen lunches :) 
What I'll miss most is our night time visits, a good morning kiss, or the discipline/structure he brings to our family.  It's hard to believe in our 9 years of marriage I can only think of 1 time he was away over night (without me).  He's never gone...he's my encouragement and support that gets me through life. 

Not to mention #1.....the big boys.  Yes, they've been home for 4 months.  Yes, the frozen tundra has brought us together.  BUT, they thrive off Bobby's presence at night and don't try many antics when he's around :)  [and of course, the youngest 4 will most definitely be missing their daddy as well!!]

We'd appreciate prayers over the next 2 weeks: for Bobby and the team traveling to Uganda (safety, health, work, unity, etc) and for our family (my sanity/patience/grace/energy, the children's hearts/behavior/unity).