Two MUST READS on Orphan Care

I've been doing a lot reading lately on the ethics in adoption and orphan care.  This is not a light topic and is one that leaves my heart burdened for so many: orphans, birth parents, pregnant teenagers/young women, etc. 

When we started the adoption process we knew NOTHING about adoption.  The only thing we knew was God was calling us down this path.  We also had no friends who had walked this road and therefore didn't have anyone to talk to face to face about the realities and complex issues behind adoption.

Here we are, 2 years later with Addy in our home and waiting on our next 1 or 2 children.  I've lost countless nights of sleep reading books, blog, and articles about adoption, corruption, ethics, orphan care, etc etc.

Now I feel "stuck" in this global crisis that is too much to fathom.  This crisis has become a huge part of our lives and something we are committed to spreading the word about and committed to doing as much as we can for the fatherless children around the globe.

This crisis is MUCH more than just adopting the worlds orphans.  After all, even if we adopted every single orphaned child, there would be just as many back on the streets and in orphanages the next day. 

Two of the best things I've read recently on this topic are listed below.  I STRONGLY suggest anyone involved in adoption/orphan care reads both of these.  I also STRONGLY suggest any couple that is considering adoption to seek out others who have walked that road.  Ask the hard questions, keep ethics at the top of your plan ALWAYS, and reach out via facebook/blogs when you need more support or answers.   (I can tell you my social network friends have been the best source of information/support!)

Get reading....

1. Orphan Justice by Johnny Carr

Christians are clearly called to care for orphans, a group so close to the heart of Jesus. In reality, most of the 153 million orphaned and vulnerable children in the world do not need to be adopted, and not everyone needs to become an adoptive parent. However, there are other very important ways to help beyond adoption.

Indeed, caring for orphaned and vulnerable children requires us to care about related issues from child trafficking and HIV/AIDS to racism and poverty. Too often, we only discuss or theologize the issues, relegating the responsibility to governments.
No one can do everything, but everyone can do something. Based on his own personal journey toward pure religion, Johnny Carr moves readers from talking about global orphan care to actually doing something about it in Orphan Justice

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I've read over 20 books on orphan care/adoption and I'd have to admit I think this one is the best yet.  I'm not going to even try writing a book review on this one...you'll get tons of quotes in posts to come.  Just trust me and READ IT!

2. This blog post: http://livesayhaiti.blogspot.com/2013/04/primum-non-nocere-first-do-no-harm.html
I'm a part of a couple groups that are all about ethics in adoptions.  This post was shared on one of the boards and it's definitely a must read.  I feel like with a few minor changes here and there, this could have been me writing this post.  It's my thoughts, feelings and concerns almost to a "T"

I've got many raw emotions about adoption.  Many that are too hard for me to express or share at this time.  But I am willing to sit down and talk adoption with anyone that would like more information.  Just be ready for an ear full!!!

Love is Always Risky

I realized I failed to mention that D (our latest foster child) is no longer with us...
primarily because I felt like we failed.

I've been told time and time again from others that they simply could not do foster care because you eventually give them back.  As Johnny Carr put it in Orphan Justice, "Too often seflishness keeps us from taking care of these children... Sally is going to be in the foster system whether she is in your home or not...."

We prepared ourselves for the reality that fostering children would almost always be temporary and mean we'd have to eventually say goodbye.

What we were never prepared for was when WE were the ones choosing to say goodbye.

When D entered our home, we were told there were no known behavioral issues.  Not that we wouldn't have taken if we would have known the truth to that statement...but we were not prepared for the 8 weeks that was coming.  When we got the call we didn't even take a minute to stop and pray.  We simply said, "Yes."

1 day into his stay, we knew there was more to D's story than we were told and more to his needs than we were told. 

The first week was R.O.U.G.H.

We were angry (how could the social workers not know of these issues ahead of time?!??!). We were tired (the first few nights he didn't fall asleep until after 11 or 12 and we changed bedding at least 5 nights a week, with overnight diapers on!).  We were losing control (let's just say D has very agressive behaviors both physically and verbally). 

We've got story after story about the following weeks and the toll it put on our family.  But we continued to push through. 
Afterall, we're superhumans. 
We love kids. 
We're good parents. 
We want to help.
We can do it all....

And then we finally broke.  And it H.U.R.T.  For my husband to look at me and say, "You just can't.  We just can't. This situation is not healthy for anyone involved," was heartbreaking.  I never thought we'd bring a child into our home and then have to turn them away.

The more we prayed about it, the clearer it was that we had to let him go.....and even though I still wrestle with the feelings of...
we let him down,
we gave up,
we could have done more,
etc
I know it was right.

Turns out, after we finally admitted it was time for D to move to another house, he got moved to a theraputic home where he's getting the one-on-one care he needs.  AND he moved to another town that's close to his family which he is now able to see.

Turns out, us being able to say "we can't" was best for D. 

My heart still aches over this situation.  It probably always will. 
But, we've learned a lot, grown a lot, and are stronger because God placed D in our house for those 8 weeks.  

"Foster care is risky.  Adoption is risky.  Love itself is always risky."
Johnny Carr

Why Not???

I mentioned earlier this week that we'd be posting some exciting news......and the time has come in which I can FINALLY make it official.....so here it is!!!!!!!!!!

Many of you have been with us from the start of our adoption journey....the journey that actually started when we were first married 8 years ago and were told we would more than likely not have biological children.  The word "adoption" rolled off our tongues shortly before our first wedding anniversary.  But truthfully, we were only speaking that word because we simply wanted children.

Fast forward a few years and THREE biological children later, we felt God asking us to adopt.  That was February of 2011.  It was no longer just a desire to have children....but a passion, a calling, a heart for the fatherless.

We had no question that God was calling us down the path of international adoption, and we quickly decided on Ethiopia and signed through America World Adoption. 

What we did have questions about were the "parameters."  I don't like that word when talking about children...but that's how it felt.  Boy, girl, age range, special needs.  We discussed and debated it all.  Having those conversations and knowing you're saying "no" to thousands of children who are waiting for a family HURTS.

At that time 2 years ago we were expecting to wait 6-12 months for a referral and with the ages of our children at the time, decided to request a girl 0-18 months.  We didn't even consider an older child, and being we had 2 boys and 1 girl, it was a natural desire to have another girl. 

Well, you may know the next chapter of this story...shortly after we signed paperwork with AWAA the wait times increased.  By the time we had collected all our paperwork and got our dossier sent to Ethiopia the wait times changed to 2-3 YEARS for an infant.  We were a little crushed, but willing to wait this out. 

THEN...God once again clearly asked us to pursue a concurrent adoption. 
We were TERRIFIED. 
The cost of one adoption is astronomical....
now we were being asked to adopt ANOTHER child in the midst of this waiting?!?!?!?! 

Within a few weeks we signed paperwork with A Love Beyond Borders to adopt a 0-18 month girl from Congo.......

And now, here we are another year down the road...finally at a place of rest.  Our Addy Rose is home, we're done building our house....life is starting to feel "normal" again....

Or so we thought!!!!!!!

Through these last two years we've grown tremendously and learned A LOT.  Part of our adoption journey led us down the path of starting an orphan ministry at our church.  This led to reading numerous books on adoption and orphan care.  Also, being a part of the Congo AND Ethiopia network we've "met" a ton of people and followed numerous stories.

Through all of this, we've been touched. 

I slowly found myself addicted to our agency's waiting child list and staring at the faces of older children who are waiting for adoption.  I've followed TONS of stories of families who have brought home children out of the most commonly adopted 0-2 year range. 

I started to feel this slight push from God.

I wanted sooooo badly to ignore it, yet I started to think more and more of what it would possibly look like to adopt an older child.

But no...that's not for us.

We have four young children, and Eli's the oldest.  I've heard of agency's with the strict rule of following birth order.  We couldn't do that.  Eli already relates himself as the oldest child in our family.

But...I still found ways to slightly hint at an older child to Bobby.  He never once said no, and we began to discuss it a little more and more--you know, just light bed chatter.

And then, one quiet night in February, Eli and I were chatting in the living room.  Adoption and orphan care is a common topic in our house, so I was not surprised when he started asking questions about children in orphanages and about our friends who had recently adopted domestically.  Eli had NO CLUE we had EVER thought of adopting an older child. 

And then, he looked at me...

"Mom, what if God asked us to adopt a big boy or girl?"

Me (shocked as I had just mentioned this the night before with my close friends, asking them to be praying about it), "Why would you say that??"

"Well, I just think that would be really cool.  I'd love to have a boy my age or a bigger brother or sister."

Excuse #1 (Eli needs to be the oldest) SCRATCHED.

After this night we began to talk more about this possibility with our children, family, close friends.

Every time I thought about it, I'd hear God's voice....."WHY NOT?????"

And that's what pushed us to make ANOTHER leap of faith. 

WHY NOT????

Another thing holding us back was our selfish desire to have more babies in the house.  Both Bobby and I LOVE (and I mean LOVE) babies.  I think I could birth 20 more children and still have a desire to have more!  The thought of knowing Addy is our last toddler to be bouncing around the house is SAD!

But, I've come to the realization that this desire of mine will NEVER go away.  My mom says she still has that "baby fever" feeling...it's who I am (it's who Bobby is).  And we all know I can't just keep mothering babies on end!

Another part of this the OTHER MOMS.  Our agency's wait list for children 0-2 is LOOOONG!  Many of the families on the wait list are families who God has called to adopt because of infertility.  I've been this mom, and I know how hard that road is....our selfish desires for another baby means numerous famlies waiting longer for their FIRST child from God.

Excuse #2 (We need another baby) SCRATCHED.

Quite honestly, those were the only things holding us back. Yes, we have other things we'll have to deal with: language barrier, where they'll sleep (WE HAVE THE ROOM...just need to figure out the logistics), what school will look like, and of course THE MONEY. 

But, we trust in the Lord. 

We have the room, we have the hearts, we have the passion, we've been called down this path....
WHY NOT??????????????

Official request: 0-18 month old girl

0-11 year old child, or 2 siblings ages 0-11.

As we celebrate Easter this week, I can't help but think of what Christ did for us
(Ep 1:7 In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of our trespasses).....
and in turn, what can I do for HIM? 

We can ignore the call God places in our lives and simply go on living in what may be comfortable.  Or, we can live a radically, obediently, stepping out in faith even when we don't fully understand or know what may lie ahead!

Philippians 4:4-7

Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, Rejoice.  Let your reasonableness be known to everyone.  The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God.  And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

WHY NOT?????????

 

Summit 9

Last year Bobby and I were able to travel to Lake Forest, CA for our first Summit experience.  We were so blown away by what we experienced, that we said we'd go every year we possibly could! 
You can read about our 1st Summit experience here.

From that post:

I have no clue how to capture our experience.
The atmosphere.
The people.
The speakers.
The thousands of hearts for orphans.
The wonderful organizations.
The music and time of worship.
The time with my hubby.
And on and on.

---------------------------------------------------

This year we started thinking and planning early about the conference, and in the end decided it was best for me to go with a couple of my best friends, who are also on our Embrace leadership team and who have huge hearts for God and orphans.

I have NEVER gone on a girls' trip before (well, other than with my awesome mom!)...and so I'm quite excited about this trip--even though this will not be the typical "girls weekend away."  We will be immersed in a sea of people who have a heart for orphans.  We'll be in workshops/classes for 3 days straight.  And, we'll come back even more pumped and with more ideas than we already have for our families and ministry!

Are you a foster parent? Adoptive parent?  Do you have a desire to answer God's will and care for the millions of orphans in the world??  If so, I'd suggest checking out Summit !

“I am writing this post as part of the Summit 9 Blogger Giveaway. Check out all the details at www.summit9.org”.

Congo Adventures Day 9--A Family of SIX!

October 29th, 2012:

Kinshasa to Belgium.  Belgium to Chicago.  Chicago to Denver.  Denver to Dickinson.

The four legs of our journey were pretty much the same...

Crappy--lets just say the bathroom "changing tables" became my best friend...and the people sitting next to us did not like us too well (well, the smell at least).  I brought along 6 changes of clothes for Addy and 3 for myself.  ALL NINE WERE USED.  Enough said.

Long--after an emotionally long trip we were exhausted.  Yet, trying to get in sync with the time changes we were encountering and the long plane rides was not so easy.....which led us to being...

Uncomfortable--Addy was a pure joy (well, other than the issue listed above) on the plane!!  She slept a good 70% of the time and the rest of the time was eating, laughing, or snuggling.  BUT....sitting upright with no room to stretch your legs, while holding a 25lb baby girl, is quite uncomfortable!!  One would think it would be so easy to get up and stretch out....but we found the flights being...

Frightening---(well, at least for me!).  Our flight across the Atlantic Ocean was rather bumpy.  Hurricane Sandy was making her way across the seas which led for a crazy 8 hour trip to Chicago!  I found myself yelling at Bobby more than once, "I know I don't like flying very much...but this is NOT NORMAL!!!!!!!!!!!!"  The captain confirmed my suspicions that flying over a hurricane led for an extremely bumpy ride, which in turn meant staying bound to your seats. 

We spent our layovers walking through airports, buying diapers (because 20 was simply not enough), brushing our teeth, and changing clothes (again).

We got seated in the last row on our 2 hour flight home.  Addy was completely OUT!  She didn't even wink an eye while we changed her out of her pjs and into her "Welcome Home" outfit.  My heart started fluttering like crazy as we drew closer and closer to loved ones waiting to greet us off the plane. 

30 hours later we finally landed at HOME! 

We walked into the doors of the airport (our airport is so huge that you walk from the 30 passenger plane right into the doors of the airport waiting room) and were quickly surrounded by our closest family and friends.  Owen came up to us first and Addy was instantly in LOVE!  She would not take her eyes off him and wanted to keep hugging him.

 

I quickly realized Ayla wasn't there...turns out our plane had landed a couple minutes early and Uncle Jesse, Uncle Cain, Aunt Ally, and Ayla were running a little late.   So they arrived about 10 minutes after we landed...with all our welcome home signs and the missing link to our family of six!

 

I couldn't help the tears as we introduced Addy to her siblings, grandparents, and my close friends who had supported me through the journey that brought Addy to us. 

It was a beautiful, quick welcome at 11:00pm!

After we took some photos and gave a ton of hugs, we headed home....a family of six!  FINALLY!  The kids were so curious, so ready to start getting to know their sister.  We let them play for awhile in the kitchen as we unpacked a few things.  At about 12:30am we were able to tuck all FOUR of our children in bed and snuggle up with Addy for her first night AT HOME!!!!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

And this ends the journey of bringing Addy HOME....and leads to the stories of our family of six....which will someday (soon?!??!?!) be seven. 

To God be the glory for this beautiful journey of adding Addy to our family.  Not only have we added a daughter/sister...but we've been changed as individuals, as a couple, and as a family.  The journey of adoption can be tough, hard, trying, and even obnoxious at times...but it is a journey that will rock your world. 

When you stop to listen to what the Lord is asking, it may not always be what you had thought or planned...but it's always what is BEST.  He knows the plans He has for each of us...and He will equip us and mold us when we are ready to say YES to what He has called us to do.



Congo Adventures Day 8--Bittersweet Goodbye

Sunday, October 28, 2012:

Before traveling to Congo, Bobby and I had talked about how much we wanted to attend a church service while we were there. It was one of the experiences I had hoped and prayed for, but honestly, I didn't think it would be possible. We had been warned about venturing out on our own, and despite trying to connect with people living in Congo before our trip, I hadn't been able to make any arrangements.

But God had something special in store for us!

On our final flight to Congo, while walking down the jet bridge to board the plane, we had met a sweet woman who approached us and asked why we were traveling to the DRC. Apparently, we stood out just a little! ;) As we talked, we learned that she and her family were missionaries in Congo and attended the International Protestant Church of Kinshasa. She gave us her phone number and encouraged us to call if we wanted to attend church on Sunday.

What an incredible answer to prayer!

So when Sunday morning finally arrived, we were absolutely GIDDY! First, we were excited to get out of the hotel again, and second, we were FINALLY going to experience a church service in Congo!

After enjoying our last breakfast buffet, we eagerly waited in the lobby until David and Sandy arrived. Climbing into their van brought an immediate sense of relief, comfort, and excitement. Other than our travel companion, A, this was the first time since arriving that we'd been able to spend time with other Americans who spoke our language fluently and knew so much about Congo.

Needless to say, we didn't stop talking! We peppered them with questions about their missionary work, their experiences living in Congo, and what it was like raising children in the DRC. There was so much we wanted to know about the country that had become such an important part of our family's story.

Walking through the doors of the church, we were immediately struck by the incredible sense of community. We were thousands of miles from home, yet there was something so familiar and comforting about gathering with other believers to worship the Lord.

 

We found seats near the back of the church and quickly met several people. The International Protestant Church of Kinshasa is an English-speaking congregation, so we were able to participate in the service and connect with the people around us. When we first arrived, there were only a handful of people in the building, but just before the service began, the floodgates opened! Suddenly, the church was packed with people from all over the world, gathered together for one purpose: to worship the Lord.

I cannot even begin to describe how much I enjoyed that morning. As we stood singing praises to Him, surrounded by people from so many different places and backgrounds, I found myself almost giddy with joy. What a beautiful picture of the body of Christ!

But if there is one thing I will never forget about that service, it was the prayer.

At one point, a woman stood to pray in her native language. She prayed for what must have been at least ten minutes, and although we couldn't understand a single word she was saying, it was an incredibly moving experience. Her heartfelt prayer was a powerful reminder that the Lord understands every language and hears the prayers of His people, no matter where they live or what words they speak.
Even though her words were unfamiliar to our English-speaking ears, we were deeply encouraged by the faith and devotion expressed through her prayer. It was one of those moments that I knew would stay with me long after we returned home.

Another thing that struck me was what happened AFTER the service.

At home, it's so easy to finish church, gather our things, say a quick goodbye, and head out the door. But that morning in Kinshasa, people stayed outside for quite some time, enjoying conversations and fellowship with one another. Children were laughing and playing, mothers were visiting, and fathers were gathered in conversation.

The sense of love and community was beautiful. No one seemed to be in a hurry to leave, and I loved watching everyone simply enjoy being together.

As we left the church, David and Sandy invited us to join them for lunch. This would be our one and only meal outside the hotel during our entire stay in Congo, so we were more than happy to accept!

We headed to a small restaurant that was absolutely BOOMING with people. David and Sandy helped us navigate the menu, and we decided to trust their recommendations. We ended up ordering some sort of pita-style wrap filled with chicken, vegetables, and a delicious sauce. And, of course, we had to have Fanta!

We had seen people drinking Fanta everywhere throughout the week, and David explained that it was a special treat in Congo and one of the most popular soft drinks. Naturally, we had to experience it for ourselves!

But as much as we enjoyed our lunch, the greatest gift was having the opportunity to sit face-to-face with people who could answer so many of our questions about Addy's birth country. We spent much of our time picking their brains, asking question after question, and learning as much as we could about the country and its people.

It was an incredibly valuable afternoon, and I was so thankful that God had placed David and Sandy in our path before we had even arrived in Congo.

When we returned to the hotel, our hearts were heavy. We had been so deeply affected by everything we'd seen and experienced throughout the week, and knowing that our time in Congo was coming to an end brought a flood of emotions.

We were hurting as we thought about the tremendous needs facing the country. Hurting as we remembered the poverty we had witnessed every time we stepped outside the hotel doors or simply looked through the windows. And hurting as we thought about the incredible beauty of Congo and its people, knowing we would soon be leaving and taking our sweet Addy with us.

Our hearts had been changed in ways I never could have anticipated. How were we supposed to return to our comfortable lives, surrounded by so much excess, after everything we had witnessed during the past week?

I didn't have the answers. I only knew that I would never look at certain things quite the same way again.

But whether we were ready or not, our time in Congo was coming to an end. Shortly after we returned from lunch, our agency's driver arrived to take our large suitcases to the airport for check-in. Suddenly, our little hotel room felt strangely empty. We were left with just two small bags that would accompany us on our thirty-hour journey home.

We enjoyed one final dinner with A and Josee, torn between our excitement about returning home to Eli, Ayla, and Owen and the sadness of saying goodbye to the people who had become such an important part of our week.

It seemed as though every goodbye brought another painful little sting. First, we had said goodbye to the children and nannies at the transition house. Now we were saying goodbye to A and Josee, as well as the hotel staff who had become our friends. And soon, we would be boarding a plane and saying goodbye to the country that had touched us so deeply.

I wasn't prepared for how emotional leaving Congo would be.

And I certainly wasn't prepared for what would happen next!

The following few hours were, without a doubt, some of the CRAZIEST hours of my life.

Our adventure began with one final drive down the chaotic streets of Kinshasa. Once again, we bounced along the roads, dodging people, cars, animals, and, of course, those enormous POTHOLES!

But this drive felt completely different from the one we'd taken just six days earlier.

I don't think we spoke more than two words during the entire hour-long trip to the airport. We were speechless, emotional, and overwhelmed by everything we had experienced. We sat quietly, praying and trying to process the reality that our time in Congo was truly coming to an end.

It was almost a perfect reflection of our first drive through those very same streets, only this time we had our daughter in our arms. After all the months of waiting, our hearts were overflowing with joy. Yet we were also leaving with a deep sense of sadness and an awareness of how much this country had changed us.

And then we arrived at the airport.

Oh. My. GOODNESS.

I don't think I could adequately describe the next two hours even if I tried!

The chaos began with Bobby nearly getting arrested for WALKING ON THE GRASS. Yes, you read that correctly! And from there, things only became more overwhelming.

There was yelling, confusion, intimidation, and what seemed like endless crowds of people. We were pulled in one direction and then another, questioned, stared at, and left wondering what on earth was going to happen next.

It was one of the most frightening and stressful experiences of our entire trip. By the time we finally made it through the airport, I was shaking and completely exhausted.

Yet somehow, in the middle of all that chaos, the time passed surprisingly quickly. Before we knew it, we were finally settling into our seats on the plane that would take us from Kinshasa to Belgium.

We had made it.
Our sweet Addy was with us.

And as we prepared to leave the country that had given us so much, our eyes filled with tears once again.

Congo would forever hold a very special place in our hearts, and we knew that the experiences of this week would stay with us for the rest of our lives.

What an incredible, overwhelming, beautiful, and unforgettable journey.

And now, at last, it was time to bring our girl HOME!

Referralversary

One year ago.

Your sweet face.
Changed our lives.
FOREVER.

 

 

We dreamed and prayed.

Through the waiting.

The tears.
The red tape.
The waiting.
The heart ache.
Your first months of life.

The waiting.

 

We grew closer.

As a family.
To the Lord.
To the truth.
To mercy and compassion and justice.
To you.

 

One year later.
We'll never forget.
The first time we saw your photo.
You were ours.
You are ours.
You will always be ours.

We love you sweet Addy Rose.
Thank you for breaking our hearts for what breaks His.



Congo Adventures Day 7--A Piece of Congo

Saturday, October 27, 2012:

With each passing day at the hotel, Addy was becoming more and more comfortable with us. We were beginning to see her little personality emerge, and for the first time, she seemed to genuinely WANT us to hold her, comfort her, and play with her. After the uncertainty of our first few days together, watching her slowly open up was such an incredible feeling!

We spent a good portion of the morning doing exactly that.
Playing,
laughing,
and learning more about our sweet girl.

We quickly discovered that Addy LOVED playing hide-and-seek and giving high fives. Thinking back to our day at the transition house, I remembered watching the older children walk around giving one another high fives, even stopping to include the babies. Apparently, Addy had learned the game from her little playmates, and she was more than happy to show us how it worked! She would raise her hand in the air and wait patiently for one of us to give her a five.

Of course, we had plenty of time to play, so that's exactly what we did! We tried everything we could think of to get her to laugh, and every little giggle or attempt to mimic us felt like the greatest accomplishment in the world. I spent much of the morning taking pictures and videos, trying to capture as many precious moments as possible. Somehow, I think I was hoping to make up for the nine months of her life I had missed!

Saturday was also the day we were FINALLY going to get out and experience a little more of Congo. After our usual morning routine, we headed downstairs for our afternoon soda in the courtyard to wait for our driver and escort. Much to our surprise, they actually arrived EARLIER than expected! WHAT?!?! They joined us for a few minutes while we finished our drinks and fed Addy some potatoes, which were quickly becoming her favorite food.

Our driver, M, didn't speak English, but C, who was accompanying us, did. Throughout the week, I had often found myself wondering what everyone around me was saying, and this afternoon was no exception. As we sat together, C and M chatted in French for a good five minutes, frequently looking over at us and giggling or smiling.

I was beginning to get a little annoyed. What on earth were they talking about?!?!

Finally, C turned toward us and explained their conversation. Apparently, M had been telling her just how special Generose was to him. He admitted that when he first learned her parents were coming to Congo, he had been nervous. He loved our girl so much that he wasn't sure anyone would be quite good enough for her! But after spending the week with us, he was thrilled that WE were her parents. He said it was obvious how deeply Bobby and I loved her and that he could see how happy and comfortable she was becoming with us.

Oh, my heart!

M kept looking at me with the biggest grin on his face. He would glance at Addy, look back at me, and say, "Good Mamma. Good Mamma."

What an incredibly sweet moment. After all the uncertainty, waiting, and emotions of the previous week, hearing those words from someone who loved our daughter so much meant more to me than I could possibly express.

Before long, we were on our way to the market! The drive through Kinshasa was just as chaotic as it had been on the previous days, but this time I found myself giggling as we twisted, turned, and bounced along the streets. It was that nervous giggle I get when I'm scared or uncomfortable and don't quite know what else to do. Those of you who know me well know EXACTLY what I'm talking about! Part of me wanted to close my eyes and ignore the madness around us, but another part simply couldn't look away from the reality of life unfolding outside our windows.

By the time we pulled up to the market, I was feeling pretty anxious. Before traveling to Congo, we had been told that if we wanted to visit the market, the women would go shopping while the men stayed behind with the children. But C assured us that we could all come along for the adventure, so there we were, preparing to step out of the van with Addy in our arms.

The moment we arrived, we were surrounded by people eager to do business with us. Even though C had prepared us for what to expect, I was still uneasy. I took a deep breath, held my head high, and followed her through the crowded aisles, repeatedly shaking my head or answering, "No, merci," as merchants called out to us and tried to get our attention.

"Mamma, Mamma! Look, look!"

"Please! You need dis!"

"Come, come!"

"Only twenty dollars!"

Everywhere we turned, someone was inviting us to stop and look at their merchandise. Rows upon rows of merchants were competing for our business, and it was unlike any shopping experience I had ever had.

As we worked our way through the market, we stopped whenever something caught our attention. Before long, we had found jewelry, little toys for the kids, a nativity set, a picture for Addy's room, hand-carved serving bowls and a platter, and a couple of large canvas paintings. There were so many beautiful, unique things that I wanted to bring home a little bit of EVERYTHING!

It was also fascinating to watch C negotiate with the merchants. I had never experienced bargaining quite like this! Each purchase seemed to involve a good ten minutes of back-and-forth conversation while we stood nearby, looking from C to the merchant and waiting to see what the final price would be.

By the time we finished shopping, something had changed. I was no longer intimidated by the market or the crowds. In fact, I didn't want to leave! I had been so nervous when we arrived, but now I found myself wishing we had more time to wander through the aisles, interact with people, and take in every little detail.

This was a little slice of Congo that I had been longing to experience, and I wanted to soak up every minute of it.

We returned to the hotel completely exhausted from all the excitement and, of course, the HEAT! It was our final evening at Hotel Royal, and we spent it in the restaurant, chatting with the waitstaff who had become our friends, watching Addy and Josee play together, and reflecting on everything we had experienced throughout the week.

Looking back, I think Saturday was my favorite day in Congo, other than the day Addy was first placed in our arms, of course!

All week, we had watched Addy light up whenever Josee was around. The girls clearly shared a very special bond, and we had learned that they had been together since Addy's birth. They had even lived at the same orphanage before moving to the transition house in Kinshasa.

Whenever Josee was nearby, Addy's familiar smile and playful personality would come shining through. But on Saturday, we began seeing that same side of our girl even when Josee wasn't around. She was laughing with us, reaching for us, and showing us that she was beginning to feel comfortable in our arms.

What an incredible gift!

It was a beautiful reminder that Addy was learning to trust us and beginning to understand just how deeply we loved her.

Our hearts were FULL!

Up tomorrow...worshiping in Congo and what would turn out to be the absolute CRAZIEST hours of our entire trip: our unforgettable experience at the airport!

Able...but Willing?????

Last night was Book Club.  It may not be the highlight of my month, but it's definitely something I look forward to each month.  A night away with friends, talking about books, and enjoying a glass of wine and yummy food.  A night of bonding for Bobby and the kids.  A night to relax and enjoy some great friends.

Last night was Book Club...but I was not there.

I just so happens to be that I was supposed to host this month's gathering but cancelled the day before because our house was a mess--between the excavator, plumber, and countertop installers we had a mess to say the least.  But, by Thursday morning the house started to come together and I was thinking I could have hosted after all.

Turns out God had other plans for my Thursday evening and needed my house to be ready for His purposes.

Thursday afternoon I got a call at work asking if we were willing to take in a foster child.  Every inch of me wanted to say, "No, it's just not a good time right now." 

You see, life has been crazy lately.  And I don't just mean the day to day life of raising 4 kids crazy.  I mean hectic crazy.  Building a house, adopting sweet Addy, working, ministry, moving, AND every day life has been tiring.  I've been feeling like we deserve a break.  We NEED a break.

BUT, God had other plans. 

Bobby and I struggled for a long time with the decision to build our house.  It's a rather large house and we were comfortable in our previous home.  We had everything we needed and building a new house and moving to the country was going to be great, but we almost felt guilty for WANTING more. 

We prayed and prayed about whether or not it was the time to build and whether or not this house was what was in store for our family. 

We were reassured that this house WAS the next step for us and we promised each other that our house would be used for His glory.  We were going to be open to at least one more child through adoption and would be willing to take in foster children when it was needed and we were able.

Here's the thing.  I've come to realize there's a BIG difference between "able" and "willing." 

Were we going to be willing to take in another child amongst life's chaos when we were more than able to?    We definitely have the room.  We definitely have the love.  Yes, it would add more chaos and time and energy and......

But what about this child?  What about his NEEDS...not his wants......his NEEDS.  He needed a home and he needed love.....so we must be WILLING.

So, instead of being with my friends enjoying a night "off," I was home tucking five children into their beds and sitting on the floor of the boys' room until 11:30 while this sweet little boy wrestled himself to sleep.


1 John 3:17
But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him?

Look Whooo's ONE!

One year ago in the Democratic Repulic of Congo, a sweet little girl was born

 to her birth mommy and daddy...

 One year later she is bringing continual joy to her forever family

EVERY.SINGLE.DAY!

Words cannot express how thankful we are to have Addy in our lives...

and we pray her bio daddy has peace in his heart and knows that she is loved beyond all measure. 

 I wish he could see her smile and hear her giggle....

 

Addy Rose, you are one special little girl.  I just know you are going to continue to change people's hearts...just as you have ours.  May you always know how much you are loved!

1 John 4:19

We love because He first loved us!!!!!!!!!!!!

Happy 1st Birthday!

Congo Adventures Day 6--View from Above

Friday, October 26, 2012:

(Yes, I realize this post is nearly three months late! Life has definitely gotten the best of me lately. We've been working tirelessly to finish our house and have spent five weeks living with my parents while working nights, weekends, and just about every spare moment we could find. We FINALLY moved into our new house two weeks ago, but we're still trying to get everything put together while keeping up with everyday life with four kiddos. Needless to say, things have been a little crazy around here!)

But back to our adventures in Congo...

Friday began much like the previous days. By now, we had settled into a daily routine that helped us pass the time while spending most of our week at the hotel: breakfast, sitting on the balcony, a short nap, a snack, a longer nap, a walk around the hotel, Coke and Diet Coke in the courtyard, another nap, a long dinner with A and Josee, Skyping with the kiddos back home, uploading pictures, and finally, bedtime.

Sounds like a pretty exhausting schedule, doesn't it?!?!

Addy eating her morning potatoes!

  

Looking back, I have to laugh at how incredibly lazy we were! Bobby and I had both brought books to read and paperwork we hoped to finish while in Congo. And even though I absolutely LOVE reading, I didn't open a single book during our six days of sitting around the hotel!

Honestly, I was far too busy staring at Addy in complete disbelief that she was finally ours. I spent most of my time cuddling her, playing with her, and trying to get her to giggle. We had quickly discovered that our girl had the most contagious belly laugh, and I couldn't get enough of it! When I wasn't soaking up every minute with Addy, I was communicating with the moms back home whose children I had been privileged to meet at the transition house.

Although Friday followed our usual routine, there was definitely an added layer of tension. We were still waiting for Addy's exit letter, and we had been told it should be ready that day. If it wasn't, we would likely miss our flight out of Congo on Sunday. After all the waiting we'd already done throughout the adoption process, being this close to bringing our girl home and still not knowing whether we could leave was incredibly frustrating.

So we waited. And waited. And tried to enjoy the time we had together rather than spending every minute worrying about paperwork.

While we waited, we relaxed on the balcony and wandered around the hotel. Addy seemed perfectly content to sit and watch the world around her, and there was certainly plenty to see! No matter what time of day we looked outside, the streets below were filled with people. It seemed as though the city never stopped moving.

 Addy sat so perfectly still, watching the life around us. 

 

There were this many people on the streets (often times much more) 24 hours a day!

Bobby enjoyed watching construction, Congolese style!

 

One of the things we had witnessed throughout our stay was how quickly the weather could change. Just after I took one photograph, another enormous rainstorm rolled through. In the picture, you can see a mother standing against a wall with her four tiny children. Within moments, they were surrounded by mud and water as the rain poured down.

Seeing things like that was incredibly difficult. It was a constant reminder that the inconveniences we experienced during our stay were nothing compared with the everyday challenges faced by many of the people living around us.

Every time we ventured away from our room, we passed a long stretch of windows near the elevator that overlooked a police station. We had been warned repeatedly not to take photographs while in Congo, so I was always a little nervous whenever I stopped to look out those windows. Below us, we could see officers carrying whips, clubs, and machine guns.

I honestly don't know how to put everything we witnessed from those windows into words. The photographs tell part of the story, but even they cannot fully capture what it felt like to stand there, watching a world so different from the one we knew.

The police station

Where the police ate and trained

View past the police station

One woman in particular caught my attention throughout the week. She lived right next to the police station with her daughter, and the two of them spent nearly every day outside. I loved watching her little girl entertain herself, sometimes sitting in a chair for hours, perfectly content to observe the activity around her.

One day, I watched the little girl carefully study a bucket sitting about a hundred yards from where she and her mother were staying. It had filled with rainwater during one of the downpours, and she seemed to be waiting for just the right opportunity to retrieve it. Eventually, she made her way over, carried the water back, and poured it into a basin so she could wash clothes. When she was finished, she returned the bucket to its original spot.

I sat there watching her work, struck by how much effort went into a task that is so simple for us at home. What I could accomplish by turning on a faucet and starting my washing machine required her to collect water, carry it back, and wash the clothes by hand.

The daughter's hard work after getting the water

Throughout the week, Bobby had also gotten to know Wilson, the hotel's doorman. Nearly every time we went downstairs, Bobby would stop to say hello and chat with him. Wilson became a wonderful resource for us, helping us better understand Congolese culture, the challenges of finding work, and what everyday life was like for him and his family.

As we got to know him, Wilson began sharing more about his own circumstances. He worked EVERY SINGLE DAY. No weekends off. No holidays off. And as though that wasn't enough, he also walked ten kilometers to work!

His salary?

Seventy dollars a month.

Wilson explained that this was actually considered a very good wage for someone in his position in Congo. And that $70 wasn't just supporting him. He was also helping provide for his extended family.

Remember our grocery bill from Day 3? We spent $70 on just five items at the supermarket. The very same amount Wilson earned for an entire MONTH of work!

I simply couldn't wrap my mind around it.

Wilson also explained that Kinshasa was a major destination for people looking for employment. Congolese people traveled to the city from all over the country in hopes of finding work, often because their earnings would support not only themselves but also family members living elsewhere.

Our conversations with Wilson gave us a much deeper understanding of the things we had been witnessing throughout the week. The poverty we saw was no longer simply a collection of images outside our hotel window. We were beginning to learn about the lives, responsibilities, and challenges of individual people.

And then, during one of our afternoon trips downstairs for a Coke and another chat with Wilson, D arrived.

WITH ADDY'S EXIT LETTER IN HAND!!!!!!

PRAISE THE LORD!

We were absolutely overjoyed! After days of uncertainty, one of the biggest hurdles standing between us and our journey home was finally behind us. We could make our flight on Sunday and bring our precious girl home to meet the rest of her family!

Unfortunately, our excitement was mixed with disappointment for our dear friend Amy. Her daughter's exit letter still hadn't been released, which meant she would now miss her flight. The entire process seemed to have no rhyme or reason, and we knew how blessed we were to receive Addy's letter in time.

As much as we had enjoyed our quiet days bonding with Addy, we were definitely ready to go home. Friday had probably been our longest day in Congo, with so much time spent anxiously waiting for that letter and growing increasingly tired of hotel life.

But every time I found myself getting impatient, I looked down at our sweet girl and was reminded of what an incredible blessing this time had been.

Our daughter was finally in our arms. After all those months of waiting, we had been given an entire week to do little more than hold her, love her, and begin getting to know one another.

What a precious gift!

God was reminding us to be still, be grateful, and enjoy the time we had been given.

And now that we FINALLY had Addy's exit letter, we could relax a little and look forward to our final full day in Congo.

  

Up "tomorrow": trip to the market!